basketball fix'n's

Now that the hockey season is effectively over, I really wish I could watch and enjoy the basketball playoffs. But I can't. I can't sit through a tedious game that drags on and is ultimately determined by the referees. After listening to bill simmons' b.s. report giving several quality suggestions to fix hockey with no recent knowlege of the game, I figured I could give it a try for basketball. Without resorting to trampolines and hoops of fire (which would be seriously badass), here are my 5 easy-bake measures to fix the game of basketball.

1. Timeout rules: Between time-outs and intentional fouls, the last minute of a basketball game can run 10 or 15 minutes. Instead of 6 full and 1 -20 second time out PER HALF, make it 2 full and 3-20 second time outs per half. 20 seconds is more than enough time to draw up a play, and while advertisers might not like it, every single other person ever will. Also, no more time-outs during play. Frantic action is what creates epic plays. The same way a quarterback can't call a timeout when he's under pressure, the same way a hockey player can't call a timeout to get a faceoff in the offensive zone, and the same way baseball...okay, bad example. But the NBA needs timeout reform. With Stern's recent comment that they might institute MORE timeouts in the form of a challenge system for fouls at the end of the game, the league is moving in the completely wrong direction. Which brings me to:

2. Referees and fouls: The NBA has the consistantly worst-rated refereeing of any major sport. Watching some old Jordan games, the games flowed back and forth. Now, fouls or violations are called on almost every posession. There were 61 fouls called in Game 3 of the Dallas-Denver game, and a non-call that may have cost the Mavs their season. So how to change it?
Step 1: Increase the penalty for diving. Right now, the NBA occasionally fines players for diving. That hasn't worked. If a player dives, kick him out of the game. If its caught on tape after the game instead, suspend him for a game.
Step 2: Any intentional foul outside of the 2 minute mark of the end of the game gets three foul shots. As clever a nickname as it was, Hack-a-Shaq and strategies like it have a similar effect on ruining the game's flow.
Step 3: Decrease the foul-out limit from 6 to 5, like in college. If players have less margin for error, they foul less.
Step 4: Start calling travelling again. For all the badassness of four-step windmill dunks, its taken the focus off of ball-movement and put it onto individuality. There's a reason the dunk-contest is an All-Star sideshow and basketball is basketball.
These reforms might sound harsh, especially diving infractions, but the game has lost its flow, and the only way to bring it back is to cut the whistles and stoppages. Less eagerness to foul also means more room for stars to be stars. Two points is two points on the scoresheet, but to a fan, a passing play to create a layup is much more exciting then well-crafted free-throw form.

3. More playoff beards.

4. Cut the number of games. This suggestion has been talked about before, and probably will never happen. Less games means less revenue for the team and for the players. But lets face it: each Conference has its clear winners and losers, and nothing more is decided in 82 games than would be in 60. This year would have been much more efficient if we had determined the winner by a Lakers-Cavs-Celtics tourny in November. The NBA: where predictability happens.

5. Which brings me to my last point. Scrap the "where amazing happens" and bring in whatever the basketball equivalent of this is:



Any other ideas?

carolina completes comeback, bettman creams pants

The Hurricanes scored 2 goals in the last 80 seconds, and beat the Devils 4-3, setting up the NHL's dream matchup: Pens vs. Caps. Malkin vs Ovechkin. Crosby vs Semin (insert joke here). Across the board, we're blessed again with amazing matchups. Get pumped for Thursday.

Bruins over Canes in 6

Pens over Capitals in 7

Detroit over Anaheim in 7

Canucks over Hawks in 6

Part 2 of the Kesler-Sundin Man-Love Series:

EDIT: In honor of my second-to-last exam, Canadian Cities, here's a seriously fetch track from Point Blank

because when it comes down to it, poker is really more of a sport than basketball

For any poker fans among our huge fan base, check out my buddy Jack's poker blog. Enjoy reading about him making money while the rest of us resort to sifting through his loose change on his desk whenever he leaves the house. Metaphorically..

In honor of hoping Sundin is ready to go for game one, here's Part One of my dedication to the touching man-love between him and Kesler. How do you say "dip my bald head in oil" in Swedish?

Why the NBA may have lost its most viable franchise

The Canucks have got me pumped. Seriously. Not "The Province planning the parade route" pumped, but pumped. I have no shame in saying I'd totally go gay for Burr.

On a serious note, the NHL seems to be finally listening to relocation requests and getting the Coyotes the balls out of Phoenix. Personally, this team needs to go to Vegas. Sure, the loyal fan support wouldn't be as high as a truly viable franchise somewhere else, but the expensive seats would get sold out every night by casinos looking to comp the tickets. More people would show up then, say, Atlanta, and don't tell me the players wouldn't love to play there. Plus, the ensuing drunken debauchery when Dion Phaneuf takes off his pants and runs around in Bellagio Fountains? You can't buy that publicity. The NBA and NFL denounce it, but they thrive off of dumb players making dumb mistakes. Personalities sell tickets.

Finally, relating to the soon-to-be-not-Phoenix Coyotes, I do respect the NHL giving teams a chance to succeed. Dallas is a good example of a non-traditional market that has remained strong. The real problem I have with the Grizzlies move is that the NBA (read: Michael Hiesley) moved the team after only 6 seasons. The fans never got a chance to support a real team. The NBA denied the Grizzlies and the Raptors the chance to draft in the top 5, unheard of for expansion teams. The Grizzlies win totals read: 15, 14, 19, 8 (lockout shortened season), 22, and 23. How was any momentum for support expected to be generated?

Moving a franchise that young says two things: management is losing money and doesn't see potential for growth. The potential for growth, however, may have been the biggest in NBA history, if we play a big game of "what if". If the franchise doesn't move in 2001, it is unlikely the team would have undergone the overhaul (Abdur-Rahim for future ROY Gasol, Williams for Bibby, etc) it did when it moved to Memphis. Most likely, this team would have been another top 5 lottery pick waiting to happen. (Even with the overhaul, Memphis still finished with 23 wins.) The 1st pick of the 2002 Draft was Yao Ming. With the doubts surrounding Yao Ming's eligibility, many teams were unsure that the first pick overall (which Yao's agent group demanded) was worth it. (All this information is from highly credible sources.) Say the Vancouver Grizzlies were in the top 5 picks in the draft. With a large Asian population, and the chance to make a splash to their fan base, tell me they wouldn't throw everything but the kitchen sink at Houston to trade up and get Yao. The Houston Rockets have captured the imagination of Chinese basketball fans. With the close connection between China, Hong Kong, and Vancouver, and the dense Asian population in Vancouver, the Grizzlies may have been one of the most popular franchises in the league, both within the city and internationally. A franchise can certainly be considered successful if it draws an estimated 250 million television viewers, like the Yao-Yi matchup did in late 2007. Houston, without Yao, would still be a successful franchise financially; Vancouver, and now the failing Memphis Grizzlies were not. By not giving Vancouver a chance, the NBA has potentially lost its most viable franchise.

Picture of the week:

Fan-demonium

What the fuck has happened to sports fans? 

Here are a few of the things they've done recently:

• Booed Montreal (in Montreal) when the Habs were down by a goal with 5 minutes to go in the third in a must-have game against Boston (game 3)
  
• Attempted to steal Alexei Kovalev's stick during a game, here
• In Denver, one threw a beer on the court at the end of a game that had the Nuggets winning by almost 30
• In LA, chanted, "We want tacos" at the end of a blowout win for the Lakers against Utah in the first game of the series... and then BOOED when Utah managed to get to 100 points, even though LA was still good for the 13 point win

This type of behaviour isn't new (see: booing the American national anthem) but it has gotten worse recently. What's to blame? Higher ticket costs leading to increased fan expectations? General recession-caused angst? The media's portrayal of professional athletes as spoiled hoodlums unworthy of our respect?

Whatever it is, fans, in the immortal words of Rapper Willy, need to "step the fuck up - no excuses", and stop being such mindless fucking goonies.

Priceless

sick jordan commercial

Sports Heaven vs Exam Hell

Exams kind of forced me to forget about the blog for a bit there but the answer to the April Fools' multiple choice question was.... bum ba da bummm bummmm: 

#3- Michael Heisley is the single most evil person ever to have lived on the planet Earth is FALSE

Are you people kidding me? Michael Heisley is not the SINGLE most EVIL person on Earth, he is (obviously) in a dead-heat tie with this guy.

Now I'm a little late on the playoff predictions but here goes anyway...

-Lakers are taking down the NBA Finals over the Cavs

-San Jose is not winning the Stanley Cup

-The Cup winner will be Detroit, Vancouver, Boston or Pittsburgh

-My heart of hearts says it's going to be Vancouver FTW

Wave those towels!