Merry Christmas, Dallas

Volumes of work, probably eclipsing the works of Shakespeare, have been written about the NHL "loser point" and its impact on the standings. Therefore, I don't expect to add much to the debate, but as a fan of the only team in the NHL without an overtime or shootout loss (and one that's currently out of a playoff spot), I'm curious to see how the year would be if the NHL tabulated its points totals differently. I'll look at three scenarios: the current system (2 points for a win, 1 point for an OT/SO loss, 0 for a regulation loss), a win or lose system (2 points for a win, 0 for a loss), and another proposed system (3 points per regulation win, 2 for an OT/SO win, 1 for an OT/SO loss, and 0 for a regulation loss. Let's check a breakdown:

Current system: (with OTL in brackets)

East:

1. New Jersey - 53 pts (1)

2. Washington - 52 pts (6)

3. Buffalo - 47 pts (3)

4. Pittsburgh - 53 pts (1)

5. Boston - 43 pts (7)

6. Atlanta - 40 pts (4)

7. Ottawa - 40 pts (4)

8. NY Rangers - 39 pts (3)

9. Montreal - 39 pts (3)

10. Florida - 39 pts (7)

11. Tampa Bay - 35 pts (9)

12. NY Islanders - 35 pts (7)

13. Philly - 34 pts (2)

14. Toronto - 34 pts (8)

15. Carolina - 24 pts (6)

West:

1. Chicago - 51 pts (3)

2. San Jose - 51 pts (7)

3. Colorado - 48 pts (6)

4. Phoenix (wtf?) - 48 pts (2)

5. LA - 47 pts (3)

6. Nashville - 47 pts (3)

7. Calgary - 45 pts (5)

8. Dallas - 43 pts (11)

9. Vancouver - 42 pts (0)

10. Detroit - 41 pts (5)

11. St. Louis - 39 pts (5)

12. Minnesota - 39 pts (3)

13. Anaheim - 37 pts (7)

14. Columbus - 35 pts (7)

15. Edmonton - 34 pts (4)

Now, with just wins as a measure (ties go to those with less games played, 2nd tiebreaker is more losses is OT):

1. New Jersey - 52 pts

2. Washington - 46 pts

3. Buffalo - 44 pts

4. Pittsburgh - 52 pts

5. Boston - 36 pts

6. Atlanta - 36 pts

7. Ottawa - 36 pts

8. NY Rangers - 36 pts

9. Montreal - 36 pts

10. Philly - 32 pts

11. Florida - 32 pts

12. NY Islanders - 28 pts

13. Tampa Bay - 26 pts

14. Toronto - 26 pts

15. Carolina - 18 pts (yikes)

West:

1. Chicago - 48 pts

2. Phoenix (double wtf) - 46 pts

3. Vancouver - 44 pts

4. San Jose - 44 pts

5. LA - 44 pts

6. Nashville - 44 pts

7. Colorado - 42 pts

8. Calgary - 40 pts

9. Detroit - 36 pts

10. Minnesota - 36 pts

11. St. Louis - 34 pts

12. Dallas - 32 pts

13. Anaheim - 30 pts

14. Edmonton - 30 pts

15. Columbus - 28 pts

Now, time to dust off the muliplication tables and figure out the last format:

1. New Jersey - 79 pts

2. Washington - 75 pts

3. Buffalo - 69 pts

4. Pittsburgh - 79 pts

5. Boston - 61 pts

6. Atlanta - 58 pts

7. Ottawa - 58 pts

8. NY Rangers - 57 pts

9. Montreal - 57 pts

10. Florida - 55 pts

11. Philly - 50 pts

12. NY Islanders - 49 pts

13. Tampa Bay - 48 pts

14. Toronto - 47 pts

15. Carolina - 35 pts

West:

1. Chicago - 75 pts

2. Phoenix - 71 pts

3. Colorado - 69 pts

4. San Jose - 73 pts

5. LA - 69 pts

6. Nashville - 69 pts

7. Calgary - 65 pts

8. Vancouver - 63 pts

9. Detroit - 59 pts

10. Dallas - 59 pts

11. Minnesota - 57 pts

12. St. Louis - 56 pts

13. Anaheim - 52 pts

14. Edmonton - 49 pts

15. Columbus - 49 pts

So what do we find? In terms of difference between measurements 2 and 3, not a whole lot. Vancouver dropped 5 spots, and Dallas rose 3, but other than that no other team moved more than one spot. I don't have the fancy math degree required to measure parity between these two systems, but the parity in the current system and system 3 are massive, where 5 wins separates 3rd and 12th in the West in system 1, and 4.3 wins seperates 3rd and 12th in system 3. Even though the standings in all three systems are relatively similar, with the exceptions of teams that, you know, win (Vancouver) and teams that lose closely (Dallas).

System 3 would be a tough system to put in place, considering that standings would need four columns of statistics (W, OTW, RL, L), bringing us back to the dreaded days of 2003 (W, L, T, OTL). The simplest system that would appeal to the "casual" fan that Bettman has such an erection for would be, of course, system 2, where the NHL could revert to the winning percentage system that all three other major sports use. Personally, this system makes the most sense to this writer. A win is a win, and a loss is a loss. Parity is good, but this is created by an effective cap system. Artificially created parity, like the results of the current system, are good for Stars season ticket holders but bad for the game. When only 7 or 8 teams in the league have "losing records," it's time for a change.

But in the meantime, Merry Christmas to our faithful readers. And Merry Christmas, Dallas Stars.

I Still Write

I just wanted to show that I'm still alive and that even though I haven't been writing about hockey or basketball, I've been covering a more important sport.

Here's the decade's best men's epeeists (2000-2009):

10) Gabor Boczko – Boczko represents a few fencers by taking this semi-honorable, semi-insulting tenth position. He’s here for all the guys who’ve been able to dominate a season, or two, or more, but have never been able to pull the trigger in the big events. I could easily replace him with Christoph Marik, Alfredo Rota, or Joerg Fiedler but Boczko’s consistently high rank and his match with Abajo in the 2008 Olympics really epitomize what this spot on the ranking is about. The bronze medal match in Beijing represented Boczko’s best chance to medal at a major competition - one win away from a medal and his opponent was a man he had absolutely dominated the last two times they’d fenced. However, the match went into overtime and Boczko predictably lost.

9) Krisztian Kulcsar – Kulcsar’s was a triumphant comeback story. After quitting fencing following the Hungarian team’s silver medal in Athens, Kulcsar was able to come back to the sport and win five consecutive one-point matches en route to beating Boisse in the 2007 St. Petersburg final and capturing his only World title. Kulcsar suffers in my rankings because he took so much of the decade off and because he appeared to be overly satisfied with his one title – evidenced by a lacklustre performance in Beijing where he never threatened to repeat.

8) Ruben Limardo – This entry may come as a surprise to some given his lack of results at the senior level but he belongs here for one reason - the 2004/2005 junior season. During this season Limardo won every single junior world cup he entered and capped it off with the Junior World Championship at the end of the season. Limardo has yet to live up to this promise as a senior but that one season was more memorable than many of the senior champions on this list.

7) Jerome Jeannet – This spot could easily go to José Luis Abajo as both of them have attained two bronze medals at World/Olympic Championships over the decade; however, Jeannet’s incredible team record and his European titles sets him a little bit ahead and robs Abajo of a spot on the list. Though often overshadowed by his younger brother, J. Jeannet stuck with the sport even after Fabrice quit and was rewarded with his second Worlds medal in three years in Antalya, ensuring a strong future for French fencing.

6) Anton Avdeev – Avdeev is the biggest surprise on this list, which makes sense since he was the most surprising World Champion that I can recall – he could be a flash in the pan like another Russian, Beketov, or, since he’s still very young, this could be the start of something amazing. By my ranking I’m leaning towards an extended run of strong performances by the Russian dynamo. Also, being an epee World Champion at 5’8” is an uncommon enough occurrence to warrant this placing.

5) Wang Lei – Wang is a champion - even though his world ranking is never very high, he always brings his best game to the biggest competitions. In 2004, he did the unthinkable in crushing Pavel Kolobkov on his way to Olympic silver. In 2006 he won gold in overtime in possibly the most upset-ridden World Championships of all time. In 2008, he was defeated by a combination of Verwijilen, the referee and nerves due to the hometown pressure. Regardless, any major competition Wang is a threat.

4) Marcel Fischer – Fischer lives for the Olympics. Back in 2000 he fought his way to the foot of the podium before losing out and finishing fourth. In 2004 he had a second chance and he didn’t squander it – he dominated the field on his way to a gold medal. Amazingly, Fischer almost missed out on the Olympics entirely that year. In one of the last qualifying World Cups of the season (Vancouver), Rota and Fischer were both battling it out to qualify individually. Both made the semi-finals and Fischer was matched up against Cody Mattern, who had been on fire all day. Fischer seemed to let his nerves get to him and made some dumb mistakes and was dispatched by the American. Rota, meanwhile, had the more proven veteran, Hugues Obry, in his bracket and fought to a 14-14 tie before winning off a parry riposte and dancing down the piste to shake hands. In the final Rota demolished Mattern and knocked Fisher out of his Olympic spot. Fischer only qualified by winning the European zonal tournament.

3) Matteo Tagliariol- This selection is based partly on results but even more on potential. Tagliariol has only been to two senior Worlds and one Olympics, so he hasn’t had the time to compile the type of impressive resumé that the two fencers who are ahead of him possess. Tagliariol’s fencing is aesthetically beautifully and deadly effective. He is a modern-day Muhammad Ali, unfortunately without the quotability.

2) Fabrice Jeannet – A list with Kolobkov at number one would be incomplete without Fabrice Jeannet at number two. Despite an amazing career, Jeannet’s success has been handcuffed by Kolobkov’s dominance over the period. Jeannet had epic final matches with Kolobkov in both 2002 and 2005, but never prevailed. In 2003, the one year that Jeannet won senior individual Worlds, Kolobkov was not there. Instead he was trapped in France due to an Air France flight attendants’ strike. Still, Jeannet has been a rock for the French team, winning team gold in both Athens and Beijing and four of the six World Championships he competed in during the decade. Jeannet capped off the decade by taking silver in Beijing to Tagliariol.

1) Pavel Kolobkov – Simply the most dominant epee fencer in recent history, perhaps even the greatest of all time. During the stretch he captured two individual Olympic medals, one of which was gold, and three World Champion titles. If the contest was changed to the best men’s epeeist of the past two decades, Kolobkov would fare even better, having captured an additional three World titles in the 90’s. Kolobkov’s contributions to the sport transcend his results, as he has influenced an entire generation of mullet-haired Russian epee fencers.

The HCP's Breakdown of the Kovalchuk Rumors

zzOMG!! Kovalchuk to Vancouverzzz! The internets are going crazy these days with rumors about Kovalchuk demanding a max (10 year, 11.5 mil) deal from the ATL, and the Thrashers, not exactly rolling in money these days, turning it down. Before we all get our panties in a twist, lets not forget every single sports rumor site floods their boards with rumors about Canadian teams to boost their readers. Gionta has been on the verge of donning the stick-in-rink for at least two years, as every big name is linked to the Habs, Leafs, or Canucks. However, the Kovalchuk rumors, while possibly made up, do make a lot of sense. The two other rumored teams are the Kings and Wings; the Kings are unlikely to part with young, cheap talent and mess with a chemistry that's put them on top of the league, and the Wings aren't the type to go after big-name rental players at the deadline. So why does the deal make sense for the Canucks? Here's the rumored deal:

Canucks get: Kovalchuk

Thrashers get: Demitra, Schneider (the young one, some say a d-man instead), Grabner, and a 1st

For Gillis, I'm sure this deal would hinge on a sign-and-trade, since Gillis has a hardon for young talent and draft picks. However, with the signing of the Sedins and Luongo, the Canucks essentially have a 5-year window for the Cup. If Gillis can add big name talent right away, instead of waiting for young players and picks to develop, he'll do it. Sedin-Sedin-Burrows and Raymond-Kesler-Kovalchuk. Bitch please.

For Waddell, who's made some, er, questionable trades in the past (see 10, 9, and then go have a satisfied look at 1 for a bit), the deal makes sense for him, picking up a talented second liner in Grabner, a 1st, the best goalie in the A. Perhaps most importantly, it gets him Demitra, since the Thrashers NEED to make the playoffs this year (see: link in the the second sentence). Win now, win later is a win-win, especially if his back is against the wall and risking losing the 'Chuk for nothing, which will most certainly get him fired. (Don't worry Thrashers fan, he'll probably get fired either way.) The only thing stopping him is another team stepping up with a better deal, which could easily happen but if this is on his plate at the deadline he can be satisfied in taking it.

The only other variable is the salary cap. Assuming it stays around its current level (it's supposed to change by 2.5 million, but it's not clear if that's up or down), Gillis would have to unload some salary. If the Thrashers don't bite on Young Schneider (seeing as how they have Pavelec and Lehtonen), I wouldn't be surprised if Gillis tosses a guy like Bieksa into the deal, provided we get a serviceable (say, Christoph Schubert) d-man back. Assuming Wellfed (this picture, occupying the top 5 spots on the Google image search for Wellwood, will never get old) is gone, and Kesler gets his raise to about 4.5 mil, with the loss of Demitra, Old Man Schneider, and Bieksa that'll clear about 9 million give or take for Kovalchuk. Mitchell is coming off the books at 3.5 as well, and as much as we need him back, it'll give Gillis a bit of breathing room to work with. And come on, Gillis owns the cap. He's found more nooks and crannies than Tiger Woods (come on...I had to get one in).

So, Kovalchuk and Schubert to the Canucks? Demitra, Bieksa, Grabner, and a 1st back? Get 'er done.

Bonus: A week and a half before the Team Canada roster is announced, here's the HCP's picks:

nash-crosby-iginla
heatley-thornton-marleau
smyth-getzlaf-perry
morrow-mike richards-doan
toews

seabrook-keith
niedermayer-weber
boyle-pronger
regehr

brodeur
lou
fleury
alternates: savard, lecavalier, doughty

The Top 3 Most Overrated Fruits/Vegetables

I'll level with you: it hasn't been the kind of start we expected when Sam and I first started writing a blog. We figured if we gave it a couple months, the money and women would be rolling in soon enough. Turns out our expectations on the whole sex/drugs/rock and roll aspect of writing on a blog once a month were a tad high.

I'm not sure Sam checks the blog anymore, and sometimes I feel like I'm writing for my own personal benefit. So here's my experiment: I'm going to lay down something that's been on my chest for awhile - the most overrated fruits and vegetables - and see how long Sam takes to mention it to me. I put the over-under at 3 weeks, right around exam time. Good luck!

3. Cauliflower - It's tasteless, colorless, and it's consistency is downright unappealing. It's the tofu of the vegetable kingdom. As far as I'm concerned, the fact that this "food" is still on the market is a sign that it's overrated.

2. Bananas - Let me make it clear: I am a huge fan of the banana. I eat a banana a day at least. But the whole hype over this disease that's supposed to wipe it out is overblown. I really don't care enough to get pumped up for some Save The Banana! campaign. We've got scientists and they seem pretty smart: if they can whip up an H1N1 vaccine in a couple months I'm sure they can get their shit together over a piece of fruit. And if not, I'll just eat more apples. And banana-cream flavored puddings. No sweat.

1. Oranges - Don't get me wrong: I'm a huge fan of mandarins, clementines, and the whole juice thing but a regular orange? Pass. It's way too much effort to prepare and eat to make it a viable snack and it's taste doesn't match anything outside of very specific breakfasts. Yet this fruit has its own popular saying (apples and oranges, matched with the powerhouse apple no less), its own linguistic claim to fame (big whoop, it doesn't rhyme with anything) its own joke (a knock-knock joke, which doesn't count for shit), and is served at halftime at kids' soccer games worldwide. You want to help your team out? Stop cutting up little orange slices and give us Gatorade. Fuck the orange.

Thoughts A Month In..Fluke or For Real?

Well, my awards predictions never really materialized, which saved me from the embarrasment of praising Hodgson (sent to juniors) and Filatov (1 goal in 8 games) as the Calder frontrunners. Pierre LeBrun was not so lucky, and actually changed his prediction of Hodgson a week or so into the season (it now reads van Riemsdyk...I wonder if Hradek is thinking of changing his Calder pick too.) Now, however, we're a month in, and my preseason predictions are already jumbled. Last year it took a few months to figure out if Boston was for real, so leave it to the HCP to sort things out and see if these standings surprises are flukes or for real.

Colorado: 1st in the West, 1st in the league. Two teams in the league now stand at 10 wins. Pittsburgh was no stretch, but the Avs? A team that was likely ranked no higher than 13th on most preseason predictions? This team is now 5 points clear of number 2 in the conference, and owes its success to two things: health and goaltending. A healthy Stastny has given the Avs top line some offensive pop, while Craig Anderson has been out of this world. I loved the signing over the summer, but no one could have predicted it would be this successful so far. Their rookies O'Reilly and Duchene have looked great, and Quincy has been valuable after the Smyth trade, with 8 points and a +6 thus far. Will they end up finishing on top of the West? No. But if the team stays healthy and continue to get solid goaltending, the Avs can do what no analyst could have predicted: compete for a low playoff spot.

Call: FOR REAL

Los Angeles: 2nd in the West. You don't have to look too far down past the Avs to find the Kings. Their young stars are blossoming and Kopitar, who the Canucks should have taken in 2005, is a top 5 goal scorer. I still think Quick isn't good enough to keep this team on top, but they'll stay competitive and be in the playoff picture all year.

Call: FOR REAL

Phoenix: 7th in the West. The team everyone thought would be playing shinny with the Avs by December is right up there. Firing Wayne Gretzky and hiring Dave Tippet was an excellent move, if classlessly excecuted. But relying on an aging Jovocop and Aucoin to be in their top 3 scorers and lead the team to the playoffs isn't likely

Call: FLUKE

Detroit: 12th in the West. It's Detroit. They can't rely on Osgood to waltz into a division championship anymore, but they'll be top 5 by the end of the year. Also, they've had to play the powerhouse Avs twice already.

Call: FLUKE

Canucks: 10th in the West. They've looked better after a slow start, and Lou was starting to round into shape before he cracked his ribs against the Leafs (no, not from laughing his way to the Leafs' 8th straigh Getzlaf t loss). Hopefully his injury, as well as the other half of the forward core, will heal up and this team will get back on track.

Call: FLUKE

Anaheim: 14th in the West. I refuse to believe this team is not a playoff contender. Their goaltending has been awful; Hiller and Giguere are much better than this. Hopefully, for the Ducks as well as Team Canada, that sports hernia surgery he had over the summer hasn't gone wrong.

Call: FLUKE

Ottawa: 6th in the East. Mike Fisher at a point per game? Volchenckov has gone down with an injury, and Kovalev has done little else but stand around and take shots on the power play. Chris Phillips has more points than Cheechoo. Don't get your hopes up.

Call: FLUKE

Buffalo: 3rd in the East. Miller is red hot, and Myers looks like a stud (these are endearing hockey terms, no need for further interpretation). And Vanek hasn't even turned it on yet. But can Connolly stay healthy? Can a team with only a couple recognizable names beat out the Bruins once they get healthy?

Call: FLUKE

Toronto: 15th in the East. Saving the best for last. Watching the Laffs drop 8 straight as a Canadian hockey fan outside of the GTA is very satisfying indeed. But the team is still getting used to each other, and the Monster has the potential for at least solid goaltending. I still don't agree with the Kessel trade, but the Leafs won't finish last with him in the lineup. And even if they do, they lose a top 5 pick for a 21 year old who already has a 36 goal season under his belt. If they finish last the year after that, however...

Call: As much as I hate to say it, the Leafs are better than this. FLUKE

And remember, its only 10 games in. As James Duthie says, do try and avoid premature evaluation. It can be very embarrassing.

Prediction Season: East Edition!!

As for the East, in extremely played out, lame cliques/puns:

15. New York Islanders - Deserted Island. They're building a few good pieces, but there are so very many holes. This team needs another few years. Tavares prediction: 26 goals, 23 assists.

14. Florida Panthers - Cat-astrophe. Honestly, I didn't think Florida was a bottom 2 team in the East, but I had trouble finding teams to put them ahead of, and it just kind of happened. Like the Isles, they have a gem in Booth, but losing Bouwmeester and replacing him with Brodeur's water boy proves this team isn't committed to winning. Their temporary GM is still temporary three months later. That speaks loudly to the trouble this franchise is in.

13. Ottawa Senators - Sens-ationally disappointing. In my earlier predictions, I told you how I, well, disagreed with some of the moves Bryan Murray has made. The fact that Chris Kelly is making 2.125 million over the next 3 years alone should be enough to get canned. Getting fleeced on the Heatley deal hardly changes my mind. For a team whose moves aren't influenced by cheap owners or poor fan support, Murray remains the worst GM in hockey today.

12. Tampa Bay Lightning - Can Lighting Strike Twice? They bolstered their defense by adding eight or nine defensemen. Loading up on free agents worked so well last year, why not give Ohlund 7 years? The team, however, has some young talent and will be competitive in another year or two.

11. Atlanta Thrashers - Surprise Thrashing. Seriously, how do sports reporters in Atlanta do it? There are literally no clever puns with Atlanta's name, except to use it as an adjective. Oh right, they don't report on the Thrashers. In all seriousness, I wanted to put this team higher, but it got edged by a few other bubble teams. If rookie goaltender Pavelec, who's drawing a lot of buzz out of camp, can shine, this team might slip into the 8th spot. The Thrashers are deeper on defense and will make a push at the deadline to show Kovalchuk that this team is headed in the right direction. They'll be close this year, and they'll get a deal done.

10. Toronto Maple Leafs - The Leafs are Blowing. No, the Leafs are no longer the laughingstock of the league (laugh at Komisarek. He dares you.), but they'll still be out of the hunt again this year. The Leafs will be tougher to play against than last year, but not necessarily a whole lot better. Kessel doesn't have a legitimate set-up man, and unfortunately for Burke, hockey games are determined by goals, not Gordie Howe hat tricks.

9. Buffalo Sabres - Buffal-oh so close. Poor Buffalo. Their team used to have such promise and now they're treading water. They keep their core but refuse to add the missing pieces that allow them to take that next step. They've finished 10th twice in a row, and they'll be right on the bubble again this year.

8. Montreal Canadiens - The Habs-nots. I haven't met one person here in Montreal yet that's happy with the Canadiens' moves this offseason, and I don't blame them. Rebuilding though free agency doesn't work. Just ask the Rangers. However, they have enough young pieces (and will get a bounce-back year from Price) to make it to late April.

7. NY Rangers - New York Minute. This is Gaborik's projected time in a Rangers uniform before he blows out his groin/knee/vagina. If he doesn't, however, the Rangers will have a stud on their hands. Lundqvist will need to stand tall to get them into the playoffs, while Redden needs to remember how to play professional hockey, perhaps sometime in the next 5 years that are left on his contract.

6. New Jersey Devils - Boring as Hell. The Devils had some promise for excitement with Parise and other young talent, but the addition of Lemaire assures them a playoff berth and a lot of empty seats.

5. Eye of the Staal-m. A bit of a stretch here. Think Boston accent. But the Hurricanes are as good as the face of their franchise takes them. The team has talent and experience, but is it enough to seriously compete, especially with the loss of two puck-moving blueliners in Seidenburg and Babchuk? Staal-my seas ahead, indeed.

4. High Flyers with a Re-Emery-gence. Two for the price of one! Someone's on a roll. Philly is many analysts pick for the Cup, but like Chicago, the issue is in net. They'll be a very good team without 2007 Emery, and a serious Cup contender with him. Either way, they'll finish close to the top of the conference.

3. March of the Penguins. A classic, used at least 15 times by ESPN during their playoff run. They're probably the best team in their conference, if not in the league, but they'll be in tough against Philly and the rest of (most of) their competitive division this year. Also, the Stanley Cup hangover is a real phenomenon. Although, as the Leafs continue to prove, so is the April golf tournament hangover.

2. Washington Capitals - Net Capital Growth. Varlamov so far has been streaky at best (and Theodore is, well, Theodore), and the D may still be too thin for a Cup run but Ovechkin, Backstrom, Green, Semin (79 points in 62 games last year...look out) and the rest will keep this team at the top of the conference.

1. Is something Bruin? They'll be at the top of the Conference thanks to a weak divison and solid team. But Kessel is out and Savard still needs a deal for next year. How far can Thomas flop his way towards a Cup with that kind of offense?

Western Final: Detroit vs. Vancouver. Dark horse: the latest hot pick of analysts everywhere, the Blackhawks could make it if their goaltending holds up.

Eastern Final: Washington vs. Pittsburgh. Somewhere (probably somewhere in Phoenix), Gary Bettman just had a wet dream. If the stars and matchups align, these two teams should be playing each other for the Prince of Wales Trophy. Dark horse: the Flyers. Even with Emery, never count out a team with that much toughness and skill.

The Cup Finals: Vancouver vs. Pittsburgh. The Canucks have the defensive depth, the star goaltending, and a pool of gritty forwards. Their problem? Scoring depth. The Pens have superstars up front, a solid defensive corps, and a goalie who could (should) make the Canadian Olympic team. They also have been there before. Maybe when Hodgson (pronounced Hod-son apparently) or Shirokov develop, the Canucks can make the leap, but for now, the cup remains in Pittsburgh.

Cup Winners: the Pens. Again. Crosby better shake hands this time. Rypien is a lot tougher to fight than, say, Brett McLean. Award winners will come tomorrow or Friday.

Prediction Season is Back!!

Aaand the countdown is on. The Canucks are 5-0-0 in the preseason, which means only one thing: only 1 week until the new Gossip Girl season premiere! Just kidding. Sort of. Also, the NHL season is set to start begin October 1st. A few days after July 1st, once the free agent frenzy had subsided and the post-season depression finally began to kick in, the HCP released its Early, Useless, Unpredictable Predictions for 09-10 season. Now, we're pleased to bring you the Slightly Less Early but No Less Useless Predictions! Starting today, the West, in the form of sometimes slightly dated pop culture references.

15. Phoenix Coyotes - The Star Wars kid. Just sad..so sad. Here's to hoping Hamilton has a bright future. (However, if Phoenix had as many views as this video, they wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. In other news, I am personally responsible for at least half of these views.)

14. Colorado Avalanche - Vincent Chase after Medellin. This team had it all: the money, the fans, the Forsbergs and Sakics. And now its a team destined for the bottom, losing its fans and its financial support and lost the face of the franchise in Sakic. At least its committed to a rebuild. Just beware of Germans.

13. Nashville Predators - Kevin Federline. Totally irrelevent, somehow mildly newsworthy for a while, and we all would be happier if they just disappeared. Their defense got weaker, but still has rocks in Suter and Weber, while their goaltending looks solid too. But that's about it. Their highlight of the last few years: This. (It's Taylor, for those of you who haven't met my future wife.)

12. Los Angeles - Miley Cyrus. Tantalizingly close, but still too freaking young. Maybe next year. I still think they have a little more development before they can take the leap. Many experts are making the Kings their sleeper pick and they could make the leap, but their goaltending and defense is still too weak and young to compete in the West.

11. Oilers - Friendster. Remember when Friendster was cool? (Apparently, it still somehow exists!) Too bad no one would be caught dead on it anymore, right Heatley? The Oilers storied franchise is no longer a place where anyone wants to play or live, and its shown through its lack of ability to attract real talent. Gagner and Cogliano will have better years, but this team isn't deep or skilled enough to compete in the West. And don't even get me started on a 4-year deal for a 36 year old Bulin Wall who had a decent season in a contract year with a blossoming defensive corps.

10. Minnesota Wild - Matthew McConaughey. Untalented, often painful to watch, yet still wildly popular. (Also in consideration: Krusty the Clown) They made some good moves on D, but are ultimately treading water, replacing Gaborik with Gaborik-lite: slightly less injury-prone, slightly less good. This team doesn't need a retooling: it needs a rebuild around Burns and Koivu. By signing Havlat, they secured themselves as a playoff bubble team for years to come. (To find a picture to capture my emotion, I googled "Happiest Man in the World," and found a picture of a man giving himself head. I think I'll move on.)

9. St. Louis Blues - Butters from South Park. Lovable, slightly pathetic, and always finding a way to get the short end of the stick. They got rocked by injuries last year, and still found a way to sneak into the playoffs, where they promptly got sent packing in four games. This year they'll be healthier and a year older, but there isn't enough room for them in the West playoffs.

8. Columbus Blue Jackets - There Will Be Blood. I really didn't like this movie at all, but I watched it for Daniel Day Lewis' performance. This is Nash and the Blue Jackets. The Jackets still have enough to get in - provided Mason doesn't pull a Price - but they don't have much of a shot. However, if you look at their possible first round matchup...

7. Dallas Stars - Righteous Kill. De Niro. Pacino. Together! In a movie! Too bad it sucked. That pretty much summed up the Stars last year: hyped as a Cup contender, and played themselves out of it early. They'll have a bounce back year with a better (surely) Turco and a healthy Richards and Morrow.

6. Calgary Flames - The Girl Next Door. Just kidding Elisha! Seriously though, the top 6 spots in the West are a virtual lock, but ordering them is the hard part. Calgary gets dropped to 6 for one reason: depth. Sure, they have a top line (well, two thirds of one), but who comes after Iggy and Jokinen? Sure, their top 3 may be the best in league, but Sarich is a big drop off. Who's backing up Kipper so he doesn't burn himself out after 76 games? And here's hoping Fleury makes the team.

5. Anaheim Ducks - Mad Men. Apparently it's awesome. Or so I hear. This is the show that I and others always keep meaning to watch, but never do. The Ducks have trouble selling out the Honda Center for playoff games, but have been one of the most entertaining success stories of the past few years. They got dropped to make room for Chicago, but the Ducks have the offense and goaltending to get them far. Their biggest weakness is on the backend, but Scott Neidermayer's continued awesomeness will be enough to hold them together.

4. Chicago Blackhawks - John and Kate plus 8. Turmoil! Cheating! Lots of kids! Maybe I was too harsh on them in my previous rankings. For all their shittiness in Huet, whose latest strategy is trying to disguise himself as Khabibulin, and despite the injury to Hossa, their offense and defense are both absolutely dirty. But won't be enough to overtake the Wings...this year. And no, I didn't take any cheap shots at Patrick Kane. The poor kids already taken enough of a beating. No, wait, that was the cab driver. Hey-oh!

3. Detroit Red Wings - Michael Bay's films. Even though the new Transformer movie drew comparisons to "watching a blender for two hours while somebody shouts at you," it still became one of the highest grossing movies of all time. And so it is with the Wings: no matter the players, the coaches or the low expectations, they always will find a way to win. However, unlike Bay's films, the Wings are both talented and watchable. Even with the loss of key pieces in Hossa, Hudler and depth in Kopecky and Chelios (seen here in a file photo), the Wings still have a lineup to compete for top spot in the West. So why are they third? Their division. With 6 games against Chicago, along with tough competition in St. Louis and Columbus, the Wings will still have enough to come out on top, but not enough to overtake the next team. You know what's coming.

2. Vancouver Canucks - The Land of Chocolate. They're just plain awesome. And no, it's not a homer pick (okay, maybe a little). But the Canucks' shoddy divisional rivals will allow them to overtake the Wings for second in the Conference. Also, they are awesome. Life is good. Can I get a Gillis for President chant anyone? This team finally seems like it has the right mix to make something happen. Not since 30 seconds before this moment have I been so excited. 

1. San Jose - Phil Mickelson at the US Open. While it might be a stretch to use a sports reference for a sports reference, come on! Hit to the back of the freaking green already!! Getting Heatley for a 12-goal scorer in Cheechoo (playing with Thornton or Marleau no less) and a streaky Czech should assure that the Sharks again take down the conference. The playoffs? Good luck with that, Thornton.

Coming later this week: the picks of the East, Cup, and awards. ONE MORE WEEK BABY!!

The end of the world as we know it

According to the Mesoamerican Long Count Calander, and then furthered by the legend of pop culture, our world is set to end in 2012 (December 21st, to be precise, so forget the stress of Christmas shopping!). Doomsday predictors are super-duper sure this time, after getting it wrong in 2007, 2004, 2001-1997, 1994-1986, and dating back to about 44 AD. For many, however, the end of the world may come as a welcome relief after a trying 2011. All 4 major sports' Collective Bargaining Agreements end following their 2011 seasons, and all are facing serious issues to get things resolved.

NFL: If a deal isn't struck by the end of the 2010 season, the 2011 season will restrict its free agency rules (which hurts the players) and will eliminate the salary cap (which will hurt the owners.) It was designed as an impetus to make a deal early, and still may do that, but if the 2011 season is played without a salary cap, it may seriously jeopardize the 2012 season. The Players Union would be very reluctant to go back to a cap system after a capless one, and there are many other thorny issues as well - including the debate over restricting rookie contracts and the future of non-guaranteed contracts- to work out. 

Possibility of Strike: Moderate. There have been many issues within the league for years, but its constant growth and seemingly endless pockets have kept both sides happy. Now that there is less of a share, there may be problems. However, both sides understand what a lucrative business they are in, and neither wants to kill the proverbial golden-egg-laying goose.

MLB: The only sports league without a cap may be the league in most need of a lockout by the owners. While the league itself still somehow grows, the have-nots of the league are getting fed up with actions like the John Smoltz release this week. While the success last year of the Tampa Bay Rays may set a trend for prospect development, the fact is that the big market clubs still run the show. Players, meanwhile, aren't complaining. Recession? What recession?

Possibility of Strike: High. The recession has exacerbated the haves and the have-nots, and many owners will be ready to help their franchises future success by turning out the lights today.

NBA: 

Possibility of Strike: I hope so. Sam will update this section because I really couldn't care less.

NHL: No hockey fan will forget the bitter 2004-05 season that wasn't. Hockey lost millions of fans and still is recovering from the season that was sacrificed in the name of a salary cap. This time around, the big issues include Olympic involvement, the future of long-term deals, and a possible league-wide pay cut (the players accepted a 24% pay cut out of the lockout) or cancellation of long term contracts already in place. But this isn't about redrafting a CBA; it's about perfecting the one in place.

Possibility of Strike: Slim. The league and the players know that they can't put the game through another lockout, especially now that the game finally seems to be on the rise. (They made the ESPN.com front page at least three or four times this year!) Their differences will be ironed out. 

When do most strikes happen? During a boom when the pot is big and everyone wants their fair share, or during a recession where the pot is small and everyone is left fighting over dwindling resources? The NHL strike arose out of the latter situation, where the league lost $273 million in 2003 and owners felt a salary cap was the only way to curb high costs and ensure parity. The 1998-99 NBA strike, on the other hand, was experiencing its highest ratings and revenue ever thanks to Jordan (the 98 Finals generated a whopping 18.7 ratings share, compare that the highest ratings in 36 years that the NHL got during Game 7 this year: 4.3). So while economic climate is not a deciding factor in bargaining negotiation, it will be interesting to see how it affects it.

Time will tell, but there's a good chance one or more leagues may be on strike come 2012, and for good reason; owners and players will need all the money they can get to build mountain-high walls around their houses.

The Ridiculously Early, Totally Useless and Unpredictable 09-10 Predictions: Part 2!

The East:

1. Boston - Still the best team in the East - for now. The B's benefit from a very mediocre division, but the situation around Kessel and his 36 goals he brings will determine what kind of team this is next year. 

2. Washington - Nice pickup of Knuble, but the question is around their goaltending. Varlamov looked solid at times, and shaky at others, but their awesome talent up front and development on the blueline will keep this team elite.

3. Pittsburgh - Losing Gill and Scuderi will hurt (alright, maybe not Gill), but McKee was a good pickup, and their young team keeps getting better. Their tough division will keep them out of the top 2 spots. 

4. Philadelphia - They may have sold the future to get him, but Pronger is a great fit for the reincarnation of the Broad Street Bullies. Perhaps Ryan Kesler should sit out this game. If this team can avoid getting too undisciplined, they'll challenge the Pens for the division.

5. Carolina Hurricanes - About the same as last year.

6. New York Rangers - About the same as last year, plus Gaborik. If he stays healthy, he could top 100 points.

7. New Jersey - Lemaire and New Jersey are such a great fit. Finally, the league re-condenses its most boring pieces back into one organization. Zack Parise must be thrilled about the possibility of a 70 point season. 

8. Montreal - I didn't give the Canadiens' FA signings very favorable reviews, but they still have a quality second line in the Kostitsyn brothers, Markov on the back end, and I'm convinced that Carey Price will limit himself to one cigarette at a time and have a bounce-back year. If this team finds some chemistry amid their fantasy-draft style team, they could be a solid playoff team.

9. Atlanta - I'm going big on this one. The Thrashers actually have a very solid top 4 defensemen in Bogosian, Enstrom, Kubina and Hainsey, and have some scorers in Little, Kozlov, Todd White (owner of the quietest 73 point season ever) and of course, Kovalchuk. If they get some solid goaltending out of Lehtonen or top prospect Pavelec, this team could contend for a playoff spot.

10. Buffalo - This team has talent, but refuses to make the next steps to become a contender. They've finished 10th the last two years. Make it 3.

11. Toronto - Terry Frei thinks Toronto is a playoff team. In other news, Terry Frei should not be writing for ESPN. How many goals is Jason Blake expected to score? According to this thread, quite a bit. Quite a good read; I smell some challenges for Frei's job. Oh, and don't forget about losing Antropov up front, along with one of their five assistant captains in Dominic Moore. In all seriousness, I believe it was Ken Holland who once said that if you're going to spend a lot of money on free agent defensemen, you better be sure they can score. Beauchemin (in 07-08, his last full year) and Komisarek (08-09) combined for 4 goals. But hey, what does this Holland character know anyways?

12. Florida - This team chose a unique strategy and used an interim, part-time GM for one of the most crucial periods in their short (not short enough, for many) history. They lost their franchise cornerstone in Bouwmeester, and replaced him with a rent-a-player and a 3rd round pick. This team has a good young coach and a few pieces of talent, but time would be better spent drawing up relocation plans than drawing 10,000 people per game. Hint: when trying to market the team, perhaps picking one of the most hated men involved in professional football (a sport a few seem to care about down there) was not a wise choice.

13. Ottawa - This team might get better depending on how the Heatley situation unfolds, but while "Mad" Mike Milbury earned his nickname and takes the cake for the worst asset-management in recent NHL history, Bryan Murray is a close second.. What other team has been in such turmoil just 2 years (!) after making it to the Cup Final? He chose Redden over Chara, then let Redden walk for nothing, traded away a 1st round pick in a rebuilding year for Comrie, a UFA, just committed $8 million over the next 4 years for a 10 point thug, and can't even trade a 2-time 50 goal scorer and Canadian Olympic lock Dany Heatley. This team recovered from the Daigle era to become a respectable team, and Murray has let it fall back into a joke of an organization. 

14. Tampa Bay - Unfortunately, they probably won't lose their top 5 pick to the Canucks for tampering, but a top 5 pick it will be. This team is building pieces, but expect a playoff team come 2010-11.

15. New York Islanders - Slow and steady. Kansas City will have a great looking team in a couple years.

The Ridiculously Early, Totally Useless and Unpredictable 09-10 Predictions

Here at the HCP we like to get a jump on our competition, the so-called "legitimate" sports websites. Therefore, at risk of falling behind, I'm unveiling my predictions for the 09-10 year, in order of conference finish a mere 14 weeks before the start of the year. To account for perhaps jumping the gun a little early, I'll also go through each teams to-do lists. Ill post again during training camp, after teams have actually assembled their complete rosters.

Today: The West

1. San Jose Sharks - With the retention of all their core players and ridding their team of one of its most notorious douchebags, unless the Sharks still plan on a big roster shakeup, this team is set to regain Joe Thornton's prize of choice, the Presidents Trophy.

To Do: It looks like Shark's GM Doug Wilson is pretty content with his roster as it stands, and will give it one more shot at making the third round before blowing it up. Needs to add some depth after the departure of Goc, Plihal, and others.

2. Detroit Red Wings - No, it's not Chicago time yet. Even with the loss of a lot of key depth players, the Wings have enough prospects and good management that they'll survive, even with a stronger division.

To Do: Recruit their army of Swedish scouts to find some third-line guys that will put no doubt put up 60-70 points.

3. Vancity Canucks - Call me a homer, but this team has the same makeup as the team that won the division last year after losing Luongo for 2 months. If Cody Hodgson is half of the godsend we all expect him to be, this could be a team to beat. If anyone wants to help me work on my statue of Gillis, please apply below.

To Do: Add a puck moving defenseman, sign Luongo and Kesler to extensions.

4. Anaheim Ducks - I've been totally blown away with their new GM Bob Murray. He has shed salary and turned a semi-rebuild (trading key pieces from his Cup run like Pronger and Kunitz) and somehow made his team stronger. After standing 4 minutes away from the Conference Finals last year, they now have Perry-Getzlaf-Ryan and Selanne-Koivu-Lupul, to go along with Neidermayer, Whitney, and Wisniewski on the back end (not to mention Hiller and Giguere in net). This is a very dangerous team.

To-Do: One more defenseman.

5. Calgary Flames - Even though everyone's sold on the Flames as Cup contenders (just like analysts handed them the Cup last year after adding Leopold and Jokinen at the deadline), I'm not convinced. As I laid out in an earlier post, Sutter has too much money tied up in too many players. Curtis "One Win" McElhinny will again give way to Kiprusoff 75+ times during the season, which has ended in first round exits 4 years in a row. And after losing 39 goals in Cammalleri, who's going to make up for all those goals? Iginla? Olli "Leukemia" Jokinen?

To-Do: Free up some room (Sarich?) and get another top-6 forward

6. Chicago Blackhawks - Like Calgary, I'm not sold on the Hawks, mainly because 1) they're already 2 million over the cap, without a full roster, and 2) they're relying on an unmovable contract named Huet in net. Don't forget this team lost their starting goalie to free-agency, and are replacing him with a goalie who was inconsistent. This team is wicked up front and on the back end, but something has got to give, especially with Toews, Kane, Keith, and Ladd up for new contracts next year. That means valuable secondary guys like Barker and Sharp are out the door. And did I mention they have Huet in net? Sorry Hossa, these Hawks aren't Cup contenders yet.

To-Do: Get under the cap without losing key pieces.

7. Dallas Stars - They were too injured, were too inconsistant, and started playing well too late. Expect a bounceback year by Turco, and along with a healthy Richards and Morrow, this team should be back in the playoffs.

To-Do: Another puck-moving d-man to replace Zubov's production, and fire last year's team doctor.

8. Columbus Blue Jackets - I really struggled between my 8 and 9 picks, and I think it'll come down to the wire. Steve Mason won't have the same type of year he had last year, but under Hitchcock he'll still put up great stats. Nash has found his home, and the team around him with Vermette, Huselius..and...Hitchcock as a coach, they'll make it back into the playoffs.

To Do: Defensemen? Maybe? I don't really care enough about many of these lower teams.

9. I hate putting St. Louis out, especially with Erik Johnson coming back this year, but I realized that after watching a series featuring the Blues, I am still unable to name most of their players. Kariya is fading fast, and Chris Mason doesn't strike fear into the heart of even the puck-shooting machine. They'll be close, but take a step back.

10. Edmonton Oilers - These next three teams were pretty tough to rank. The Oilers get the nod with their ability to move the puck on the back end, good coaching, and bounce-back years from Sam Gagner and Andrew Cogliano. Provided he's on the team. What happens if they trade for Heatley?

11. Minnesota Wild - They could come back and prove me wrong by finishing in the 10 spot, but for all its promise and seemingly smart managerial hirings, this team is worse than last year. Maybe new GM Chuck Fletcher overestimated the amount of free agents who would love living in Fargo-like conditions, but outside of getting an injury-prone, inconsistent sniper to replace an injury prone, consistent sniper, I don't see much. They lost Lemaire's boring, Center-Ice-package-canceling system that hid their - how can I put this lightly - lack of talent. Another year out of the playoffs, another 10th-14th draft pick. Beautiful.

12. Nashville Predators - Outside of a truly sick (I believe that's the word the kids are using these days) defensive core, and Pekka Rinne) this team doesn't have much offense. I would put them lower, but Trotz and company always seem to do better then expected. So I'm going to expect them to do better.

13. Los Angeles - This team is so unpredictable. Is this the year everything comes together and they make a playoff run? Getting Ryan Smyth says they're trying. I'll give them one more year on account of poor goaltending and too much youth, but I might be very wrong.

14. Phoenix Coyotes - How does a team that doesn't have an owner sign off on free agents? Coyotes management has no idea either, and so they left this team to rely on its youth and save the team money. Vodka, anyone?

15. Colorado Avalanche - How sweet it is to have this team at the bottom of conference. They'll be here for another year after this as well. Hopefully next year's draft class is weak.

What I learned during this article: I don't know shit when it comes to spelling players names. I apologize to any current NHL players reading this blog whose names I misspelled.

Reason Number 382 I hate basketball: This song

I'm not sure what's worse, attempting to rhyme "grinding" with "lounging," or the verse where every rhyme is either "dude" or "too" (too is pronounced in a Proposition-Joe-from-the-Wire-esque Baltimore accent).

Record breaking day!

The sun is shining, the Sedins are locked up, and it was a great day for the HCP (and, I can only imagine, several others). We set a new record for posts in a day (6!), smashing the old record of 1. We'll quickly run through a couple of the bigger deals. More tomorrow.

Marian Gaborik: (5 year, $37.5 million to the NYR)

Winner: Gaborik's groin. It's like the kid who made three errors and struck out six times who still gets a slurpee after a team victory. Gaborik's better parts really made up for his groin, and got rewarded with a whopping $37.5 million. The groin gets to come along for the ride, and judging by other multimillionaire hockey players in New York City, it will undoubtably do quite well for itself.

Loser 1: Glen Sather, James Dolan. Hey look, it's my winners from the Gomez trade! With all the promise of smart management they showed by unloading Gomez, they somehow repainted themselves back into a corner (I'm not sure this is possible in actual painting) by signing the injury-prone (to put it mildly) Slovakian to a long term deal. If he can stay healthy, these couple of maneuvers could be very clever. Most likely, however, Gaborik will wind up hurt, and New York may have to play a portion of the year with 15 players.

Loser 2: The Half Court Press. I had a great writeup lined up of how, after Gaborik signed in Vancouver, the Canucks were hot and the Wild were something else (hint: not). Instead, I had to patch together some pretty lame joke about his groin. Thanks for nothing Gaborik.

Canadiens sign Gionta (5 years, $25 million) and Cammalleri (5 years, $30 million), Gill (2 years, $4.5 million) and Spacek (3 years, $11.5 million)

Winners: The Advocacy Groups for the Awkwardly Tall and the Humorously Short. A real inspirational story. By signing the 5'7 Gionta, the 5'9 Cammellari, and the 6'6 Gill, the Canadiens not only provided hope to anyone who's ever been passed over because of size, but also assured themselves of one of the most hilarious looking starting lineups ever.

Losers: The store vendors of Montreal. With all due respect to the hockey mind of Bob Gainey, it appears he chose his free agents with some sort of dartboard/other contraption. Choosing not to stick with a single one of his bigger name UFA's last year is a serious mistake (Komesarik especially, even at that price) and his team is now a virtual unknown. There is something to be said for team chemistry and player development. Detroit knows it, and many (including Gillis) are now drinking the same Kool-Aid. Fans in Montreal don't react well to losing (or winning, apparently) and after another early exit next year, the commercial districts of Ste. Catherine's street had better be well stocked with steel girders. Marshmallows, anyone?

Blurgh

I've been a little bit out of the world of sports since the NBA Finals ended (partly because there haven't been any sports on tv [unless you count baseball {which I don't}]). But mainly because both the NHL and the NBA Playoffs left me feeling empty and cold inside. 

In hockey, I was forced to witness: Marty Brodeur looking all-too human against Eric Staal and the Hurricanes; my beloved Canucks collapsing against a young and only-getting-better Chicago team; Ovechkin and the rest of his dope-ass teammates getting edged by their arch-rivals, the RuPaul and Elton John of the NHL; and finally I had to (not watch because I stopped doing that after the Nucks lost, but hear) that Cindy Crosby got to take home Lord Stanley. 

In the NBA, even though the Lakers won the Larry O'Brien trophy, the playoffs followed roughly the same story arc as the movie The Hangover. Meaning, the good stuff all happened way too early and the laughs dried up towards the end (interchange laughs with suspense if you want to go back to talking about basketball). Early on things were interesting... the Cavs were absolutely rolling, the Celts and the Bulls were having one of the top-3 first-round series of all time and the Lakers were looking dominant during stretches but were plagued with the inconsistent focus they had failed to deal with all season long. 

Things climaxed when the Lakers managed to squeak their way past the Yao-less Rockets and began to play their best basketball of the season against the suddenly hot as a flippin' curry Denver Nuggets; the Magic overcame the defending champs behind a truly super(hu)man effort from Dwight Howard and we saw LeBron doing the impossible to keep his team in tight with the Magic.

Then there were the Finals, when it seemed like the only time things were close was when the Lakers took long stretches of play off to try to give the Magic a fighting chance (it didn't help). Kobe and Phil got their rings but it doesn't even feel legitimate with a final as anti-climactic as Seinfeld's. Hopefully next year we'll have the 7 game showdown between the Cavs and the Lakers that we had been expecting since this pre-season (Just so you know, my call is Kobe swishes a left-handed fade-away three over a triple team in double OT to win it).

So, I ignored sports for a few weeks, but the draft and some trades have forced me to pay attention again.

The Draft

When I say the draft "forced me to pay attention" I don't mean that this particular draft actually attracted my attention in any way whatsoever. The only exciting thing about it was that it is "the Draft" and is probably, almost undoubtedly, the least interesting draft to ever happen since I started following basketball.

Let me summarize: The only player in this class who is supposed to be a surefire success is plucked by the least likeable franchise in all of sports, a franchise that already has Marcus Camby, Chris Kaman and Zach Randolph to clog up the paint... a franchise that is owned and run (respectively) by these two clowns. As if that wasn't enough, the Grizzlies then decide to follow up by going for a player who's only positive attribute is his height - 7'3". Sure, that is a hell of a lot of attribute, but the guy can't play basketball. He gets blocks but anybody his size with the ability to raise his arms above his head would be able to do the same. This guy is destined to be remembered as the ebony to Bryant Reeve's ivory - anorexic black dude vs. ginormous whale of a white dude. Next, Oklahoma got James Harden, which was fine. But then the Kings fucked everything up. They picked Tyreke Evans over Ricky Rubio. A player I had never previously heard of over the one player I was honestly excited about in this draft class. And now, thanks to what I can only assume was some kind of decision passed down from the mentally handicapped Maloof brothers, Rubio might stay in Spain for a couple years. The Wolves picked him along with what I have to assume was half the other PG's in the draft and now nobody know what the fuck is going on. As a final "fuck you", Dejuan Blair who was statistically one of the top 2 or 3 players in college basketball players this year (and one of maybe 2 or 3 that Steve has heard of) fell to the Spurs.

All of the above made me want to cut my wrists, so I'll save trade discussion for later.

Chicago signs Marian Hossa: 12-year, $62.8 million contract

Winner: The 2009-2010 Chicago Blackhawks. If it can get some consistent goaltending from Huet or another FA signing, and its young players progress as expected, this team is a powerhouse and a legitimate Stanley Cup contender. Hossa, Kane, Toews, Bolland, Byfuglien, and Ladd up front? Not to mentioned Keith, Seabrook, and Campbell on the back end? Yikes.

Loser: The 2011-2012 Chicago Blackhawks. Whatever gains the Blackhawks are making now, they appear to be jeopardizing their promising future. One look at NHL Numbers tells the story. The 2011-12 team will have 10 players under contract at 25 million dollars, and need to resign Toews, Kane, Ladd, and Duncan Keith, all of whom are RFA's expecting $5-6 million plus on long term deals (Ladd will probably command a bit less.) If the cap rises, the Blackhawks will be fine, but if the cap levels off or drops, the Blackhawks may be faced with losing one or two of their talented young players to make room for a Slovakian under contract until he's 42.

Oh-lund oh-shit

Mattias Ohlund signs with the Tampa Bay Lightning (7 years, 3.75 million)

Winner: Ohlund. No need to be clever here. Ohlund’s career is in decline and all Canucks fans saw it in the Blackhawks series. To score a seven-year deal for about the same money he was making in the prime of his career? Tampa ownership has done it again.

Loser: Every other General Manager. Unfortunately, the marketplace is dictated by deals like this one and the Bouwmeester deal, and so even though economists are predicting doom and gloom for the cap over the next few years, the price of defensive help just went up.

Closing the deal on swedish twins = increased scoring

The Sedins have signed with the Canucks on a 5-year deal for $6.1 million apiece, leaving this guy extremely pumped.

Winner: Mike Gillis and his iron balls. Despite pressure from fans and media about the possibility of losing his two top scoring players, Gillis refused to budge from his offer of a 5 year deal, rumored to be worth about $5.6 million a year. When all looked lost, Gillis hopped on a plane to Sweden and told the Sedins what was up, offering a million bucks more (combined) then he originally offered. The Sedins are now practically signed on Gillis' terms, meaning that they fit into whatever plan this godsent genius has in store for Canucks fans.

Loser: JP Barry. Whatever tipped the balance and led the Sedins to sign this morning, it sure wasn't JP Barry, their agent. A couple weeks ago, it leaked that he was asking for identical 12-year, $63 million deals, which would keep the cap hit low, but keep the Sedins in blue and green until they were 40. When the Canucks refused to budge from a 5-year counteroffer, Barry seemed intent on letting the Sedins skip the hometown discount and find more money elsewhere. On an agent's salary, his original proposal would have netted him a cool $12-15 million in fees, but under Gillis' plan? About $6 million. No small potatoes, even for a couple of successful bloggers like ourselves, but being undermined by your clients and losing $6-9 million bucks on a deal can't be easy. Now, if he could just get Sundin to make up his mind..

Quick Update

A proposed trade that would have sent Heatley to the Oilers for Smid, Cogliano, and Penner has been shot down by Heatley himself, he of the no-trade clause.

Winners: The Northwest Division. With no disrespect to the Oilers trade bait, our division just dodged a 50-goal scoring bullet. And while players need thick skins to deal with the business of sports, it surely must create a little tension between management and the three players involved. Awkward...we totally still want you guys...

Losers: The Tourism Board of Edmonton. A storied history, respected coaching, some young talent, a passionate fan base and a 7.5 million dollar salary were not enough to sell Heatley on Edmonton. What chance do these poor folks have?

Free Agent Frenzy: HCP's got you covered

As the title suggests, we here at the Half Court Press got you covered when it comes to Free Agency frenzy. Sam will handle the basketball end of things, while I'll be covering hockey deals, which I'm sure will be much more interesting and entertaining to read about. We'll find the winner(s) and loser(s) of each deal, starting with a player who has quickly changed from being loved here in Vancouver to being vilified, in the course of about 20 minutes:

Signing: Jay Bouwmeester: (5 years, $33.4 milion to the Calgary Flames)

Winner: Darryl Sutter - Sutter has had a good couple weeks, first by hiring his brother Brent as head coach, bringing the number of Sutters in the organization to 5, and bringing the club's "unfortunate looking" index to a whopping 8 stars (system of measurement unclear, but 8 stars would undoubtedly be quite high). He also got a jump on free agency by signing the most coveted UFA defensemen. Bouwmeester is only 25, so Sutter's deal will take the former Panther through the prime of his career, which is projected to be quite successful. He also prevented two division rivals from signing him, the Canucks and Oilers, both of whom were speculated to make serious offers come July 1.

Loser: Darryl Sutter - Knowing Bouwmeester was aware he would look fantastic in blue and green (who doesn't? it accentuates the eyes) he was forced to pay a premium on the puck-moving defenseman, and sign him for a cap hit of $6.6 million per season. Between Iggy, Langkow, Jokinen, Phaneuf, Bouwmeester, Regehr, Sarich and Kipper, that's about $44 million commited to 8 players, leaving 12 million and change to go around for 15 players. No doubt the Flames have some moves up their sleeves (like moving Sarich ASAP), but considering the problems the team had last year (needing to play several late season games with 3 forward lines), Sutter's painted himself into a corner. What happens in the case of an injury to one of their high priced players? Usually, teams can save cap room by using skilled entry-level players, but outside of Backlund the Flames' prospect pool is weak or traded away. And down the road? Apart from Jokinen, whose deal is up next year, these players are all locked up long term at these prices, meaning the Flames will be in a similar situation for the next THREE YEARS. Sure, the talent looks very solid, but Sutter will have to do a great deal of tricksy maneuvering to make it work.

Trade: NYR trades centre Scott Gomez, winger Tom Pyatt and defenceman Mike Busto to Montreal for winger Chris Higgins and defencemen Doug Janik, Ryan McDonagh and Pavel Valentenko (yeah I copied and pasted. Way too many names.)

Winner: Glen Sather, James Dolan. The deal allows Sather to temporarily escape the type of cap hell that eagerly awaits Sutter. It gives him some flexibility to lock up young talent, and momentarily help people forget about the $6.5 million a year mistake that is Wade Redden. James Dolan, the owner of the Madison Square Garden Corporation, saves a little coin and can use Gomez' $8 million a year to support the flourishing Knicks basketball team.

Loser: Vincent Lecavalier: Rumored for months to be headed to his hometown city that loves hockey (and apparently, wanted him there), Montreal's acquisition of another front line center means he's forced to stay in Tampa, where apathetic fans, an ownership struggles and a fantasy-league player management style will leave the Lighting, even with all their young talent, out of contention for many years to come.

That's all for tonight. Check in tomorrow for some updates.

Top 5 Canucks Moments

Yeah, the season didn't turn out the way we here at The Half Court Press hoped. With a chance to take a 3-1 series lead over Chicago, the Canucks blew it and lost the next 2 to get knocked out, and lost their chance to lose to the Red Wings in 5. Still, the year far exceeded the hopes of the hockey Nostradami over at ESPN or The Hockey News. Although the future of the Sedins and Luongo are uncertain, Gillis seems like a man with a plan, and with the success of Cody "Sexual Healing" Hodgson, Cory Schnieder (sexually suggestive nickname pending) and the Moose battling in the AHL Finals, the future looks up for the Canucks. With that in mind, here are the top five Canucks moments from the past year.

5. After the haters scoffed at our 6-1 preseason, no one, not even me, could have predicted an absolutely perfect first game. After a classy, emotional tribute to the fallen Luc Bourdon, the Canucks proceeded to demolish the Flamers 6-0, capped off by this shorty of Rypiens. Props to Sam with the heads up call of Hank for the first goal. The lone Flames fan at our bar is still crying himself to sleep every night.

4. After being 13 points back of those very Flames with 2 months to go in the season, and the Flames making some big moves on trade deadline day, people were all ready to put the Flames in the class of the West. Not so fast Flamers. The Canucks went on a tear, and eventually won the division on the last game of the season, by making it into overtime and then capping it off with a Hank goal. The Canucks regular season ended as a fitting "Hank sandwich", and my 2008-2009 Division Champions banner was hoisted over my Wild-loving roommates' door. (The goal is around the 1:44 mark)

3. When Gillis announced that he had offered Mats Sundin a whopping $10 million to come play for the Canucks (after passing on Kyle Beach at the draft..which may have turned out well after all..) I thought he was crazy. And then I liked it. And thus began a roller coaster of emotion, which didn't end after the elation of him actually signing 6 months later. Looking back, Gillis probably made the right move, if nothing else but to set up this fairytale moment at the Air Canada Centre.

2. After losing one of his best friends, both on and off the ice, Alex Burrows broke out in a big way, putting up career numbers and eerily scoring 28 goals to honor his buddy, #28 Luc Bourdon. After scoring in OT to complete the first-round sweep of St. Louis, Burrows did the celebration that Bourdon was famous for in Juniors, as a fitting tribute. RIP, Luc.

1. And finally, if Alex Burrows hadn't scored this next goal for the Canucks, they may have been buried beneath the Wild and Flames in the standings, out of the playoffs and with a total loss of direction. After acquiring Sundin, and getting Luongo back from injury, the Canucks didn't improve, stretching a long homestand into an eight-game losing streak, including nine straight on home ice. After blowing a 3rd period lead against Carolina, and then handed them a late powerplay, the streak seemed doomed to continue. And then, this happened:

And the rest is history. Next year, I expect all of the above to be Cody Hodgson highlights.

Honerable mention: Trevor Linden night, and this. Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye, indeed.

real problems vs sports

In the midst of a deep recession, the collapse and bankruptcy of GM (marking the greatest industrial failure in United States history), climate change, a war in Iraq and Afghanistan, failing health care and education systems, North Korea successfully launching nuclear missiles, and a newly appointed Supreme Court justice, it's good to see that the US government is focused on things that actually matter. Democrat congressman Steve Cohen of Tennessee is demanding that the NBA look into and change its controversial age rule. This comes shortly after a Congressional Subcommittee was formed to determine whether the NCAA football Bowl Championship Series should be revised into a playoff system. Seriously? I mean...seriously? I don't know if this speaks worse about these self-serving congressmen trying to make a name for themselves, or the fact that the divisive American political system is broken. Rep. Joe Barton of Texas (by the way, if Texas succeeds from the United States, will it become the InterNational Football League?) put it best, when he asked: "if we don't see some action in the next two months on a voluntary switch...it needs to be something that you need to start discussing." No, you grandstanding, reporter-assaulting, science-doubting assholes, its not. People in your districts and right across the country you swore to represent are losing their jobs, their livelihoods, their health care, their sons and daughters oversees, and their faith in their own government. The intricacies of a draft rule designed to protect education and the proper determination of a team ranking based on mathematics are NOT priorities for the only institution with the ability to fix thousands of real problems affecting real people every day. You're undermining your country and ruining the reputations of those in government who are actually trying to do some good. Stop trying to pretend these are real issues, grow up, and do your fucking jobs. End rant. 

However, if the US government were to mandate that the NHL be put back on ESPN, that'd be totally awesome.

Wings in 6, Lakers in 5.

basketball fix'n's

Now that the hockey season is effectively over, I really wish I could watch and enjoy the basketball playoffs. But I can't. I can't sit through a tedious game that drags on and is ultimately determined by the referees. After listening to bill simmons' b.s. report giving several quality suggestions to fix hockey with no recent knowlege of the game, I figured I could give it a try for basketball. Without resorting to trampolines and hoops of fire (which would be seriously badass), here are my 5 easy-bake measures to fix the game of basketball.

1. Timeout rules: Between time-outs and intentional fouls, the last minute of a basketball game can run 10 or 15 minutes. Instead of 6 full and 1 -20 second time out PER HALF, make it 2 full and 3-20 second time outs per half. 20 seconds is more than enough time to draw up a play, and while advertisers might not like it, every single other person ever will. Also, no more time-outs during play. Frantic action is what creates epic plays. The same way a quarterback can't call a timeout when he's under pressure, the same way a hockey player can't call a timeout to get a faceoff in the offensive zone, and the same way baseball...okay, bad example. But the NBA needs timeout reform. With Stern's recent comment that they might institute MORE timeouts in the form of a challenge system for fouls at the end of the game, the league is moving in the completely wrong direction. Which brings me to:

2. Referees and fouls: The NBA has the consistantly worst-rated refereeing of any major sport. Watching some old Jordan games, the games flowed back and forth. Now, fouls or violations are called on almost every posession. There were 61 fouls called in Game 3 of the Dallas-Denver game, and a non-call that may have cost the Mavs their season. So how to change it?
Step 1: Increase the penalty for diving. Right now, the NBA occasionally fines players for diving. That hasn't worked. If a player dives, kick him out of the game. If its caught on tape after the game instead, suspend him for a game.
Step 2: Any intentional foul outside of the 2 minute mark of the end of the game gets three foul shots. As clever a nickname as it was, Hack-a-Shaq and strategies like it have a similar effect on ruining the game's flow.
Step 3: Decrease the foul-out limit from 6 to 5, like in college. If players have less margin for error, they foul less.
Step 4: Start calling travelling again. For all the badassness of four-step windmill dunks, its taken the focus off of ball-movement and put it onto individuality. There's a reason the dunk-contest is an All-Star sideshow and basketball is basketball.
These reforms might sound harsh, especially diving infractions, but the game has lost its flow, and the only way to bring it back is to cut the whistles and stoppages. Less eagerness to foul also means more room for stars to be stars. Two points is two points on the scoresheet, but to a fan, a passing play to create a layup is much more exciting then well-crafted free-throw form.

3. More playoff beards.

4. Cut the number of games. This suggestion has been talked about before, and probably will never happen. Less games means less revenue for the team and for the players. But lets face it: each Conference has its clear winners and losers, and nothing more is decided in 82 games than would be in 60. This year would have been much more efficient if we had determined the winner by a Lakers-Cavs-Celtics tourny in November. The NBA: where predictability happens.

5. Which brings me to my last point. Scrap the "where amazing happens" and bring in whatever the basketball equivalent of this is:



Any other ideas?

carolina completes comeback, bettman creams pants

The Hurricanes scored 2 goals in the last 80 seconds, and beat the Devils 4-3, setting up the NHL's dream matchup: Pens vs. Caps. Malkin vs Ovechkin. Crosby vs Semin (insert joke here). Across the board, we're blessed again with amazing matchups. Get pumped for Thursday.

Bruins over Canes in 6

Pens over Capitals in 7

Detroit over Anaheim in 7

Canucks over Hawks in 6

Part 2 of the Kesler-Sundin Man-Love Series:

EDIT: In honor of my second-to-last exam, Canadian Cities, here's a seriously fetch track from Point Blank

because when it comes down to it, poker is really more of a sport than basketball

For any poker fans among our huge fan base, check out my buddy Jack's poker blog. Enjoy reading about him making money while the rest of us resort to sifting through his loose change on his desk whenever he leaves the house. Metaphorically..

In honor of hoping Sundin is ready to go for game one, here's Part One of my dedication to the touching man-love between him and Kesler. How do you say "dip my bald head in oil" in Swedish?

Why the NBA may have lost its most viable franchise

The Canucks have got me pumped. Seriously. Not "The Province planning the parade route" pumped, but pumped. I have no shame in saying I'd totally go gay for Burr.

On a serious note, the NHL seems to be finally listening to relocation requests and getting the Coyotes the balls out of Phoenix. Personally, this team needs to go to Vegas. Sure, the loyal fan support wouldn't be as high as a truly viable franchise somewhere else, but the expensive seats would get sold out every night by casinos looking to comp the tickets. More people would show up then, say, Atlanta, and don't tell me the players wouldn't love to play there. Plus, the ensuing drunken debauchery when Dion Phaneuf takes off his pants and runs around in Bellagio Fountains? You can't buy that publicity. The NBA and NFL denounce it, but they thrive off of dumb players making dumb mistakes. Personalities sell tickets.

Finally, relating to the soon-to-be-not-Phoenix Coyotes, I do respect the NHL giving teams a chance to succeed. Dallas is a good example of a non-traditional market that has remained strong. The real problem I have with the Grizzlies move is that the NBA (read: Michael Hiesley) moved the team after only 6 seasons. The fans never got a chance to support a real team. The NBA denied the Grizzlies and the Raptors the chance to draft in the top 5, unheard of for expansion teams. The Grizzlies win totals read: 15, 14, 19, 8 (lockout shortened season), 22, and 23. How was any momentum for support expected to be generated?

Moving a franchise that young says two things: management is losing money and doesn't see potential for growth. The potential for growth, however, may have been the biggest in NBA history, if we play a big game of "what if". If the franchise doesn't move in 2001, it is unlikely the team would have undergone the overhaul (Abdur-Rahim for future ROY Gasol, Williams for Bibby, etc) it did when it moved to Memphis. Most likely, this team would have been another top 5 lottery pick waiting to happen. (Even with the overhaul, Memphis still finished with 23 wins.) The 1st pick of the 2002 Draft was Yao Ming. With the doubts surrounding Yao Ming's eligibility, many teams were unsure that the first pick overall (which Yao's agent group demanded) was worth it. (All this information is from highly credible sources.) Say the Vancouver Grizzlies were in the top 5 picks in the draft. With a large Asian population, and the chance to make a splash to their fan base, tell me they wouldn't throw everything but the kitchen sink at Houston to trade up and get Yao. The Houston Rockets have captured the imagination of Chinese basketball fans. With the close connection between China, Hong Kong, and Vancouver, and the dense Asian population in Vancouver, the Grizzlies may have been one of the most popular franchises in the league, both within the city and internationally. A franchise can certainly be considered successful if it draws an estimated 250 million television viewers, like the Yao-Yi matchup did in late 2007. Houston, without Yao, would still be a successful franchise financially; Vancouver, and now the failing Memphis Grizzlies were not. By not giving Vancouver a chance, the NBA has potentially lost its most viable franchise.

Picture of the week:

Fan-demonium

What the fuck has happened to sports fans? 

Here are a few of the things they've done recently:

• Booed Montreal (in Montreal) when the Habs were down by a goal with 5 minutes to go in the third in a must-have game against Boston (game 3)
  
• Attempted to steal Alexei Kovalev's stick during a game, here
• In Denver, one threw a beer on the court at the end of a game that had the Nuggets winning by almost 30
• In LA, chanted, "We want tacos" at the end of a blowout win for the Lakers against Utah in the first game of the series... and then BOOED when Utah managed to get to 100 points, even though LA was still good for the 13 point win

This type of behaviour isn't new (see: booing the American national anthem) but it has gotten worse recently. What's to blame? Higher ticket costs leading to increased fan expectations? General recession-caused angst? The media's portrayal of professional athletes as spoiled hoodlums unworthy of our respect?

Whatever it is, fans, in the immortal words of Rapper Willy, need to "step the fuck up - no excuses", and stop being such mindless fucking goonies.

Priceless