Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
The Best of TD
"Aaaah it's my only fear... even-numbered years!"
Here's a roundup of the best of Tim Duncan from around the web:
- Sports Illustrated imagines a bizarro world in which Tim Duncan is emulated and respected like a "normal" superstar, here. Hands down the best line is, "Across the gyms and blacktops of America, teenagers would catch the ball on the left block. mechanically turn, fire up a bank shot and then yell, "I just went TD on your a--!"
- Timmy made one 3-pointer in the 2007/2008 season... and broke the heart of every single Phoenix Suns fan that had stuck with the team after the 2006/2007 debacle. Worse, that one game rendered the rest of the playoffs unwatchable, since it was inconceivable that anything else would top it
- Sometimes, people wonder if Timmy's a robot. This is unfair. He's just really, really, really, really boring
- His career averages in various statistical categories are pretty close to the fibonacci sequence
- He's the best big man of our era and probably the best power forward of all time (if he is, in fact, a power forward [which nobody really believes])
- Timmy was almost certainly the only NBA player to ever get thrown out of a game for laughing
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
All-Iterate All-Phonetic All-NBA (or NCAA, or Little Tike) Team
First team:
PG - Steffphon Pettigrew - Thanks to Straight Bangin' for bringing this one to my attention - it's a gem. I don't think there's really any excuse for this one... Steffphon's parents were obviously aware of the power wielded by the "ph" combination since they didn't omit it, so the added "ff" is just a blatant slap in the face of english teachers all over the world.
SG - Dwyane Wade - the classic example how to spice up a boring name. Sprinkle in a little dyslexia and some mad hops and you've got the most exciting player in the NBA . The worst part of this one is that his actual name is Dwyane Tyrone Wade, Junior. Misspelling the name once was bad enough but passing it on from generation to generation? For shame.
SF - Anfernee Deon "Penny" Hardaway - probably the most egregious example on the list. Really? Anfernee? Is that even close? Luckily, Penny has the whole line of Lil' Penny commercials to redeem himself in our hearts.
PF - Amar'e Stoudemire - I don't even know what an apostrophe is supposed to sound like here. Maybe it's something like !Xobile.
C - Kwynsie Pittsnogle (future prospect) - Kevin's son was the inspiration for this post.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Trade Deadline Fun
Guest artist of the week Jerry Yeh presents Olli Jokinen, the Flame(r):
Jokinen fits right in with his new team
Monday, March 2, 2009
Why the lockout, and its timing, may have saved the NHL
Remember this moment in time. This is the moment when the Half Court Press became more than a time-killer before a pre-sleep jerk and became a blog that means something. (I'll edit out the polishing the bishop reference once we're famous.) While reading Bill Simmons article on ESPN (another outstanding read) about the financial mess of the NBA, I came a mindfuck of a revelation: the lockout and its circumstances may have just saved the NHL.
While Simmons mentions frighteningly offhandedly that the NHL may lose up to 15 teams during the economic crisis, I highly doubt this will be the case. According to NBA attendence statistics (which do, I admit, suffer from the same problems as NHL attendence statistics, in that they are webs of lies), the Thunder are selling at 97 capacity at home. If basketball in Oklahoma City can draw anywhere close to 97 capacity, what would bringing a hockey team to Hamilton do? According to Jim Balsille and his 9,000 season tickets in two days, quite well. There are plenty of spaces willing to support a hockey teams (whether they can be financially viable long term is another question) like Hamilton, Las Vegas, Winnipeg, or even another in Toronto or Minnesota. Long term, a couple teams (read: Panthers, Coyotes, Thrashers, Predators) may contract, which may be embarrassing for the league and a problematic issue amongst the NHLPA and the NHL, but for a hockey fan, isn't contraction been the dream for years? The circumstances may be unfortunate, but the quality of hockey would improve as third liners become fourth liners and teams will be able to avoid giving roster spots to this guy, or this one, or perhaps this one (pictures of Dan Cloutier and Mike Weaver not included). Game quality would go up, violence would go down, and the league would be able to broaden its appeal.
But back to my main point. As Bill Simmons points out, the major flaw in the NBA system is the fact that the players are earning guarenteed money, while the owners are quickly finding their team (and therefore them) is losing money. All too real to a Vancouver Grizzlies fan (and probably all too soon to a Memphis Grizzlies fan) is that sports is a business, and when business ventures fail, the market dries up. If sports become a business that has too high costs, while not making enough revenue (mainly tickets, especially luxury or club suites), investors will look elsewhere. There will always be enough money to save a team with history and a soul, like Maple Leafs and Rangers in hockey, or the Celtics and the Lakers in basketball. But teams with not enough support will be treated like a business and fold.
And this is where my point takes me. Since the NHL adopted a cap system after the lockout, costs have skyrocketed to a point where the cap floor (minimum spending amount) is now above where the cap ceiling was in 2005. This represents not only a salary cap raise of $16 million in 3 seasons. With the league rapidly growing again and the upper limits of the cap not clearly defined, teams went out and signed guys to big money and - more importantly - longer term contracts. Now, similarly with the NBA, these long term contracts are burdening owners, and faced with immobile costs and declining revenue, they have no choice but to move or contract.
But the lockout, as well as its timing, may have saved hockey by allowing the league to grow and a more sustainable pace. Contracts before the lockout were beginning to outpace the league's ability to sustain it (read: Yashins contract in 2001 (10 years, $87.5 million) and the entire NY Rangers team). The ability for richer teams to spend more allowed them to compete among themselves by driving up contracts and further marginalizing the poorer teams. But here's the catch: what if the lockout had been two years earlier? Already in three years we've seen the growing popularity of big money, long-term deals, due to increased competition and the skys-the-limit mentality. Most franchise players have been locked up for 7, or 10, or 12 years, and a medical school cadaver got 15. But if the lockout had happened two years earlier, many organizations would already be done for. As it stands, there are two or three franchises that stand a real possibility of being moved or contracted (if problems don't get worse than they already are.) But if teams had had two more years to throw Ryan Malone figures (7 years, 31.5 million, 34 points) at players like him (read: medicore), there might be as many as 10. A league in this alternate world may have ended up richer, but would have not likely captured the imagination of the casual fan enough to turn them into the three-jersey owning, news-hunting, trade-deadline-day-watching (SO stoked) fan the league needs to avoid losing them when times get tough. In a league where less fortunate teams had been given a better chance to spend first and draw crowds later, it would have effectively worked like a Ponzi scheme and collapsed under its own pile of feces. Some say the lockout saved hockey by bringing back parity and exciting style of play, but it should be remembered for possibly saving it economically.
Five years from now, who knows what the NHL will look like. Maybe there'll be teams in Prague and Moscow, maybe we'll be left with the Original Six, maybe ice will become too expensive and hockey will be played on a big rubber court like Slamball (the more I think about it, the more I like this idea), or maybe Gretz will be forced to put on the skates again and play for the Coyotes in order to save them. But remember: even though the NHL as we know it - the soulless corporate entity that tests our loyalty and profits off our love of the game - may change, our sport will never die.
And last but not least, for your enjoyment, the beloved Blue Jackets mascot, the...something?
While Simmons mentions frighteningly offhandedly that the NHL may lose up to 15 teams during the economic crisis, I highly doubt this will be the case. According to NBA attendence statistics (which do, I admit, suffer from the same problems as NHL attendence statistics, in that they are webs of lies), the Thunder are selling at 97 capacity at home. If basketball in Oklahoma City can draw anywhere close to 97 capacity, what would bringing a hockey team to Hamilton do? According to Jim Balsille and his 9,000 season tickets in two days, quite well. There are plenty of spaces willing to support a hockey teams (whether they can be financially viable long term is another question) like Hamilton, Las Vegas, Winnipeg, or even another in Toronto or Minnesota. Long term, a couple teams (read: Panthers, Coyotes, Thrashers, Predators) may contract, which may be embarrassing for the league and a problematic issue amongst the NHLPA and the NHL, but for a hockey fan, isn't contraction been the dream for years? The circumstances may be unfortunate, but the quality of hockey would improve as third liners become fourth liners and teams will be able to avoid giving roster spots to this guy, or this one, or perhaps this one (pictures of Dan Cloutier and Mike Weaver not included). Game quality would go up, violence would go down, and the league would be able to broaden its appeal.
But back to my main point. As Bill Simmons points out, the major flaw in the NBA system is the fact that the players are earning guarenteed money, while the owners are quickly finding their team (and therefore them) is losing money. All too real to a Vancouver Grizzlies fan (and probably all too soon to a Memphis Grizzlies fan) is that sports is a business, and when business ventures fail, the market dries up. If sports become a business that has too high costs, while not making enough revenue (mainly tickets, especially luxury or club suites), investors will look elsewhere. There will always be enough money to save a team with history and a soul, like Maple Leafs and Rangers in hockey, or the Celtics and the Lakers in basketball. But teams with not enough support will be treated like a business and fold.
And this is where my point takes me. Since the NHL adopted a cap system after the lockout, costs have skyrocketed to a point where the cap floor (minimum spending amount) is now above where the cap ceiling was in 2005. This represents not only a salary cap raise of $16 million in 3 seasons. With the league rapidly growing again and the upper limits of the cap not clearly defined, teams went out and signed guys to big money and - more importantly - longer term contracts. Now, similarly with the NBA, these long term contracts are burdening owners, and faced with immobile costs and declining revenue, they have no choice but to move or contract.
But the lockout, as well as its timing, may have saved hockey by allowing the league to grow and a more sustainable pace. Contracts before the lockout were beginning to outpace the league's ability to sustain it (read: Yashins contract in 2001 (10 years, $87.5 million) and the entire NY Rangers team). The ability for richer teams to spend more allowed them to compete among themselves by driving up contracts and further marginalizing the poorer teams. But here's the catch: what if the lockout had been two years earlier? Already in three years we've seen the growing popularity of big money, long-term deals, due to increased competition and the skys-the-limit mentality. Most franchise players have been locked up for 7, or 10, or 12 years, and a medical school cadaver got 15. But if the lockout had happened two years earlier, many organizations would already be done for. As it stands, there are two or three franchises that stand a real possibility of being moved or contracted (if problems don't get worse than they already are.) But if teams had had two more years to throw Ryan Malone figures (7 years, 31.5 million, 34 points) at players like him (read: medicore), there might be as many as 10. A league in this alternate world may have ended up richer, but would have not likely captured the imagination of the casual fan enough to turn them into the three-jersey owning, news-hunting, trade-deadline-day-watching (SO stoked) fan the league needs to avoid losing them when times get tough. In a league where less fortunate teams had been given a better chance to spend first and draw crowds later, it would have effectively worked like a Ponzi scheme and collapsed under its own pile of feces. Some say the lockout saved hockey by bringing back parity and exciting style of play, but it should be remembered for possibly saving it economically.
Five years from now, who knows what the NHL will look like. Maybe there'll be teams in Prague and Moscow, maybe we'll be left with the Original Six, maybe ice will become too expensive and hockey will be played on a big rubber court like Slamball (the more I think about it, the more I like this idea), or maybe Gretz will be forced to put on the skates again and play for the Coyotes in order to save them. But remember: even though the NHL as we know it - the soulless corporate entity that tests our loyalty and profits off our love of the game - may change, our sport will never die.
And last but not least, for your enjoyment, the beloved Blue Jackets mascot, the...something?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Nostradamus Ain't Got Nothin' On Me
While trying to write a paper earlier today I got to perusing some of the stuff I had written earlier this year and saved in My Documents. One of the more interesting things I came across - among the piles of cultural studies essays discussing the significance of the phallic shape of the Washington Monument and how Molson's "I Am Canadian" ad campaign plays on the repressed national pride Canadians have in their humble, ambivalent identity - were two season previews I wrote for the McGill Tribune at the beginning of the year: one for the NHL's Southeast division and one for the NBA's Central division. Here they are, reproduced in their original unedited (read as unshortened) form.
NHL Season Preview
Southeast Division
Ordered by projected ranking within the division:
Stars denote playoff teams
Washington Capitals *
The Capitals have a young, exciting team led by one of the most exciting young players in the NHL – Alexander Ovechkin. Now that AO and the rest of Washington’s youth movement have a few playoff games under their belts they should be even better than last year. In addition, to replace unrestricted free agent Cristobal Huet who left for Chicago, the Caps signed former Vezina winner José Theodore. Finally, George McPhee locked up young defenseman Mike Green to a 4-year deal. This team will be as electrifying this year as it was last year, and with a better start under coach Bruce Boudreau, the sky is the limit.
Tampa Bay Lightning *
Along with Chicago, Tampa Bay had the most productive offseason in the NHL this year. The team’s biggest addition came with the 1st overall selection in the draft, Steve Stamkos – an 18 year-old prodigy who lit up the OHL last season with the Sarnia Sting. Tampa also made some big splashes in the free-agency market and trades; of particular note were the additions of LW Ryan Malone, D Andrej Meszaros and G Mike Smith who all came off strong seasons with their respective clubs. Even former LA Kings coach Barry Melrose and his famous mullet have been tempted out of retirement to join the team. Nevertheless, the fortunes of this franchise rest squarely on the shoulders of captain Vincent Lecavalier, who is determined to reverse the club’s precipitous drop in the standings since their Cup win in 2004.
Carolina Hurricanes
The last time the Carolina Hurricanes were in a playoff game, they won… the Stanley Cup. Now, after failing to make the playoffs for two straight years, former Conn Smythe winner Cam Ward is feeling the pressure to prove that his play in that run wasn’t a fluke. Don’t think that all the blame for the club’s recent defensive struggles can be laid at the goalie’s feet, however. Over the previous two seasons, Carolina has parted ways with most of its established defensive corps. This year the addition of defenseman Joni Pitkanen should fill a big hole along the blue line – he had better, because in the trade that brought him to Carolina the Hurricanes lost LW Erik Cole, which will put a serious dent in the team’s offensive depth.
Florida Panthers
Defense, defense, defense. That one word will be Florida’s mantra this season. In addition to having one of the best netminders in the league in Tomas Vokoun, the Panthers have traded away star forward Olli Jokinen and acquired defensemen Keith Ballard, Bryan McCabe and Nick Boynton. With that defensive core in place the Panthers should be able to keep games close – the only question is if they have enough scoring punch to turn close games into wins. Florida will count on increased production from Stephen Weiss and Nathan Horton if they hope to find themselves in the postseason.
Atlanta Thrashers
The Thrashers have one of the most exciting talents in the league in Ilya Kovalchuk; however, their problems this year, like every year, will be on the defensive end. The team that gave up the most shots in the league last season has taken steps to improve on that statistic with the addition of All-Star Mathieu Schneider and 3rd overall pick Zach Bogosian. However, the defensive corps is still thin and while goalie Kari Lehtonen has shown flashes of brilliance he has also shown a tendency for uneven play and lingering injuries.
Southeast Division
Ordered by projected ranking within the division:
Stars denote playoff teams
Washington Capitals *
The Capitals have a young, exciting team led by one of the most exciting young players in the NHL – Alexander Ovechkin. Now that AO and the rest of Washington’s youth movement have a few playoff games under their belts they should be even better than last year. In addition, to replace unrestricted free agent Cristobal Huet who left for Chicago, the Caps signed former Vezina winner José Theodore. Finally, George McPhee locked up young defenseman Mike Green to a 4-year deal. This team will be as electrifying this year as it was last year, and with a better start under coach Bruce Boudreau, the sky is the limit.
Tampa Bay Lightning *
Along with Chicago, Tampa Bay had the most productive offseason in the NHL this year. The team’s biggest addition came with the 1st overall selection in the draft, Steve Stamkos – an 18 year-old prodigy who lit up the OHL last season with the Sarnia Sting. Tampa also made some big splashes in the free-agency market and trades; of particular note were the additions of LW Ryan Malone, D Andrej Meszaros and G Mike Smith who all came off strong seasons with their respective clubs. Even former LA Kings coach Barry Melrose and his famous mullet have been tempted out of retirement to join the team. Nevertheless, the fortunes of this franchise rest squarely on the shoulders of captain Vincent Lecavalier, who is determined to reverse the club’s precipitous drop in the standings since their Cup win in 2004.
Carolina Hurricanes
The last time the Carolina Hurricanes were in a playoff game, they won… the Stanley Cup. Now, after failing to make the playoffs for two straight years, former Conn Smythe winner Cam Ward is feeling the pressure to prove that his play in that run wasn’t a fluke. Don’t think that all the blame for the club’s recent defensive struggles can be laid at the goalie’s feet, however. Over the previous two seasons, Carolina has parted ways with most of its established defensive corps. This year the addition of defenseman Joni Pitkanen should fill a big hole along the blue line – he had better, because in the trade that brought him to Carolina the Hurricanes lost LW Erik Cole, which will put a serious dent in the team’s offensive depth.
Florida Panthers
Defense, defense, defense. That one word will be Florida’s mantra this season. In addition to having one of the best netminders in the league in Tomas Vokoun, the Panthers have traded away star forward Olli Jokinen and acquired defensemen Keith Ballard, Bryan McCabe and Nick Boynton. With that defensive core in place the Panthers should be able to keep games close – the only question is if they have enough scoring punch to turn close games into wins. Florida will count on increased production from Stephen Weiss and Nathan Horton if they hope to find themselves in the postseason.
Atlanta Thrashers
The Thrashers have one of the most exciting talents in the league in Ilya Kovalchuk; however, their problems this year, like every year, will be on the defensive end. The team that gave up the most shots in the league last season has taken steps to improve on that statistic with the addition of All-Star Mathieu Schneider and 3rd overall pick Zach Bogosian. However, the defensive corps is still thin and while goalie Kari Lehtonen has shown flashes of brilliance he has also shown a tendency for uneven play and lingering injuries.
Actual standings as of March 1, 2009 (projected standings in brackets):
1 Washington (1)
2 Florida (4)
3 Carolina (3)
4 Tampa Bay (2)
5 Atlanta (5)
Woooohoo 60%! Not too shabby, if I had just remembered that Tampa Bay is a completely dysfunctional organization, crippled by its salary cap situation and that rookies rarely have a big impact on their team's success then I might have been able to pull out a 100% on this one.
NBA Season Preview
Central Divison
Ordered by projected ranking within the division:
Stars denote playoff teams
Detroit Pistons*
The team that won it all back in ’04 has kept their starting line-up virtually unchanged since; however, after three consecutive losses in the Eastern Conference Finals, changes are afoot. With a new head coach in Michael Curry and continued development from young players, specifically Amir Johnson and Rodney Stuckey, this team has an exciting blend of youth and experience.
Cleveland Cavaliers*
Cleveland Cavaliers*
How can a team with King James be so consistently terrible offensively? Hopefully, Mike Brown not only knows the answer to that question but also has the right tools to rectify the deficiency. The tools that are meant to bring this transformation about are Mo Williams and J.J. Hickson. Mo Williams’ ability to bring the ball up will be crucial in allowing Lebron to spend less time with the ball in his hands, resulting in even more energy devoted to putting the ball in the basket.
Chicago Bulls*
Chicago Bulls*
Chicago is a team that is chock full of talent, especially in the backcourt, but is fundamentally unbalanced. Since Ben Gordon signed a one-year qualifying offer in the offseason, he should be dangled as trade bait at some point in the year. The Bulls will want to move him for a low-post scorer, which they have lacked for the better part of a decade. Key to the team’s success will be the 1st overall pick in the draft, PG Derrick Rose and 1st year coach Vinny Del Negro.
Indiana Pacers
Indiana Pacers
The Pacers completed a major trade with the Raptors in the offseason which worked to address the shortcomings of the ballclub – capspace and the PG spot. To that end the Pacers got speedy PG T.J. Ford and C Rasho Nesterovic who will both be able to jump into the starting line-up immediately – in addition, the Pacers bought themselves some cap flexibility by shedding Jermaine O’Neal’s massive contract.
Milwaukee Bucks
Milwaukee Bucks
The Bucks offseason was full of turnover. The Bucks brought in head coach Scott Skiles, SF Richard Jefferson, PG Luke Ridnour and SF Joe Alexander. Out went former head coach Larry Krystkowiak, PG Mo Williams, SF Desmond Mason and SF Bobby Simmons. For this team to succeed the wing players (Redd and Jefferson) will have to light up the scoreboard and C Andrew Bogut will need to continue improving.
Actual standings as of March 1, 2009 (projected standings in brackets):
1 Cleveland (2)
2 Detroit (1)
3 Milwaukee (5)
4 Chicago (3)
5 Indiana (4)
So my accuracy is... 0%!?! I think I can give myself a bit of a pass on the Detroit situation since I made my prediction in the pre-AI days. Also Milwaukee was a surprise to everyone, not just me. Still, Chicago is only a game back of Milwaukee so if things go right I could finish this one with a 40% accuracy rate.
Moral of the story, the prophecy business is tough and Nostradamus doesn't get the credit he deserves.
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