Vancouver Canucks: Most Clutch Team in the Olympics

The title above might sound like the ramblings of some hack who had the nerve to predict the Canucks would finish two places higher than the Blackhawks, but please direct yourself to this chart, courtesy of Mirtle:

While the Canucks might not have the most Olympians left among the 4 remaining teams (Slovakia, Canada, USA, and Finland), they're the only team in the NHL to have a player on every team. Chicago/Boston/LA (minus a Finn), Anaheim/Carolina (minus a Slovak), and the Rangers/Tampa Bay (minus a Canadian) are all close, but only the Canucks will host all three medals, along with one fourth-place failure who can go drink his sorrows away with the Sedins. And the four Canucks are all integral parts of their respective teams: Kesler is playing his gritty shutdown game matched up against the opponents' top lines, Demitra sparked the Slovakian run by scoring the crucial shootout winner against the Russians, Salo will be the powerplay quarterback on the Finns until he inevitably tears his knee giving a high-five, and Lou outplayed Brodeur's fat ass all the way to the number one goalie spot.

The Canucks: most clutch team in the Olympics.

UPDATE: Thanks to Lou's incredible save on Demitra in the final seconds, Salo will battle the Slovak for the bronze, and Kes will go head-to-head against the Great 1 (see what I did there?) for the gold.

Will a Canada/US final mean Olympians in 2014?

Let me first introduce this fine piece of wood, and knock on it furiously.










By now, even those living under rocks or in rural Texas have heard about the US and their huge upset against Canada Sunday. NBC, in its infinite wisdom, relegated the game to MSNBC, where neither lack of HD or availability stopped it from becoming the second-highest watched hockey game in the United States since the Miracle on Ice. The US-Canada final from Salt Lake in 2002 remains on top, but all bets are off if (IF!) Canada can show up to the Slovakia game the way they did against Russia, and the US scorers can break through the Finnish system into the finals. Hockey news, both about the Canadian and American teams, have not only dominated CTV-affiliated websites, they've even cracked front pages of ESPN, Sports Illustrated, and other pages usually reserved for mock NFL drafts and LeBron rumors.


















True story: I wrote that joke before heading to ESPN.com and found this as their homepage. Below the LeBron to Knicks article, you can also see a pre-draft QB ranking.

So now that hockey has made its way to the front page of even the Worldwide Leader, will Bettman recognize that the Olympics raises the profile of the game and its players? Maybe not yet, but if (knock, knock, knock) Canada were to meet the United States in the finals (and NBC chose not to relegate it to NBC Ocho: En Espagnol!) the ratings in the US could be enormous, not to mention the inevitable TV records set here in Canada. Even if disaster strikes, and Slovakia and plays Finland, it'll boost oversees support for the NHL, exactly what the league is trying to do by opening 3 games in Europe next season (including one in Finland).

Would the games be drawing the same crowds if these games were amateurs, and essentially the World Juniors: February edition? Let's put it this way: I couldn't even find a mention for the TV ratings of this years Canada-US final. That's because even the most casual fan realizes that the only way the Olympics should be played are with the best players in the world. Ovechkin has already stated he'll take his own break for Sochi if the NHL isn't participating: after last night's crushing defeat against the Canadians, you can bet most Russians will be doing the same to find some redemption on home soil. Their last game isn't even 24 hours old, and I'm already excited to see how they respond in Sochi. If the NHL has a problem with the condensed schedule, cut back the preseason and start in mid-September.

Now it's just a matter of convincing the owners. Once they see the publicity the Olympics bring to their players and their sport, it has to be a slam dunk. A US-Canada final may be the ally-oop they need (hey, a basketball reference! This is, after all, a basketball blog right?)

An Open Letter To Rick Reilly

Dear Rick,

When I first saw your column on "how to be Canadian," I really didn't care too much. But when your second column came out - much like when "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha is played for a second time during a party - I felt it was time to step up. The references you made about beavers, the word "eh," lack of hockey teams, and friendly people were edgy and fresh, but somehow criticized by many Canadian readers. You felt you needed to make clear that stereotyping is fine, as long as its justified by poor weather and a technical malfunction at the Opening Ceremonies. Sore-ee we didn't live up to your high expectations Rick: having to follow China is almost as bad as having to follow Bill Simmons in the "Humorous Column on ESPN" pecking order. But while we may not have perfected giant-flame-lighting or the technology to contain two liters of Coke in a single McDonalds' cup up here, we haven't yet approached the douchebaggery (add that one to your Canadian vocabulary list) of your two latest columns.

Pictured: The Beijing Opening Ceremonies.

In all serious though, dragging tired stereotypes through the mud (igloos! dogsleds! hyuk, hyuk hyuk) is about as lazy, low-brow and amateur as a writer can get. If the games were in Mexico City, would it be cool to crack funnies about Mexicans' lazy work ethic, border jumpers, tacos, and piñatas? What about a column detailing the difficulties of juggling seven (curvaceous, naturally) wives when the games were in predominantly Mormon Salt Lake in 2002, or reminders to stock up on grape soda, watermelon, fried chicken, and ebonics lessons for the summer cookouts in Atlanta in 1996? And hey, that last one's totally justified right? Those Games had a couple technical malfunctions of their own.

Om, nom, nom. Totally justified.

Or why not go a step further? You've met a couple of friendly Canadians, so you feel you have the right to generalize that our whole country is made up of friendly, happy-go-lucky yokels in lumberjack hats. So judging by your column, I'm prepared to make the statement that every American is a self-righteous, ignorant douchebag. And hey, a bunch of Americans are fat right? Yeah, you're probably a fatass too.

Or you could realize that the reason so many Canadians seem friendly is because they don't pre-judge people on tired stereotypes. Instead of tossing around knee-slappers about Elvis Stojko (pertinent!) and recycling bins (zing!), you might want to look around and realize why our country has better (and cheaper) health care and education, and higher levels in almost every indication of quality of life. While you might complain about algae in your toes, it might be a small price to pay for living in the most livable city in the world. Or if the rain isn't your cup of tea, head on over to Calgary or Toronto. They're all in the top five. Oh, and we have the Olympics, something the US hasn't had since 2002 and probably won't have again until at least 2024 (the IOC likely won't give another games to the Americas in 2020 after denying Chicago and giving the games to Rio). Better hope Michael Phelps is still in tip top shape at the tender age of 39 by the time that rolls around.

I actually had a lot of respect for you, Rick. Having you on the last page of Sports Illustrated almost made up for the lack of hockey coverage (usually represented by a two page spread of Michael Farber feverishly massaging Sidney Crosby's balls) and the waste of paper spent churning out 51 editions of filler before the swimsuit edition. However, your switch to ESPN has either made you bitter, or lazy, or both. I've come to accept that Canada is always going to take some crap for not being you, but there's clever jokes that make me laugh, and worn-out ignorance that doesn't. That these two "articles" pass for humor from a respectable guy like yourself and a reputable organization like ESPN make me ashamed to be a dual citizen.

Sincerely, from the best fucking country in the world,

The Half Court Press

PS. If you want more Rick Reilly coverage, head over to Deadspin or the Kurtenblog. Good stuff.