When I first saw your column on "how to be Canadian," I really didn't care too much. But when your second column came out - much like when "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha is played for a second time during a party - I felt it was time to step up. The references you made about beavers, the word "eh," lack of hockey teams, and friendly people were edgy and fresh, but somehow criticized by many Canadian readers. You felt you needed to make clear that stereotyping is fine, as long as its justified by poor weather and a technical malfunction at the Opening Ceremonies. Sore-ee we didn't live up to your high expectations Rick: having to follow China is almost as bad as having to follow Bill Simmons in the "Humorous Column on ESPN" pecking order. But while we may not have perfected giant-flame-lighting or the technology to contain two liters of Coke in a single McDonalds' cup up here, we haven't yet approached the douchebaggery (add that one to your Canadian vocabulary list) of your two latest columns.
Pictured: The Beijing Opening Ceremonies.
In all serious though, dragging tired stereotypes through the mud (igloos! dogsleds! hyuk, hyuk hyuk) is about as lazy, low-brow and amateur as a writer can get. If the games were in Mexico City, would it be cool to crack funnies about Mexicans' lazy work ethic, border jumpers, tacos, and piñatas? What about a column detailing the difficulties of juggling seven (curvaceous, naturally) wives when the games were in predominantly Mormon Salt Lake in 2002, or reminders to stock up on grape soda, watermelon, fried chicken, and ebonics lessons for the summer cookouts in Atlanta in 1996? And hey, that last one's totally justified right? Those Games had a couple technical malfunctions of their own.
Om, nom, nom. Totally justified.
Or why not go a step further? You've met a couple of friendly Canadians, so you feel you have the right to generalize that our whole country is made up of friendly, happy-go-lucky yokels in lumberjack hats. So judging by your column, I'm prepared to make the statement that every American is a self-righteous, ignorant douchebag. And hey, a bunch of Americans are fat right? Yeah, you're probably a fatass too.
Or you could realize that the reason so many Canadians seem friendly is because they don't pre-judge people on tired stereotypes. Instead of tossing around knee-slappers about Elvis Stojko (pertinent!) and recycling bins (zing!), you might want to look around and realize why our country has better (and cheaper) health care and education, and higher levels in almost every indication of quality of life. While you might complain about algae in your toes, it might be a small price to pay for living in the most livable city in the world. Or if the rain isn't your cup of tea, head on over to Calgary or Toronto. They're all in the top five. Oh, and we have the Olympics, something the US hasn't had since 2002 and probably won't have again until at least 2024 (the IOC likely won't give another games to the Americas in 2020 after denying Chicago and giving the games to Rio). Better hope Michael Phelps is still in tip top shape at the tender age of 39 by the time that rolls around.
I actually had a lot of respect for you, Rick. Having you on the last page of Sports Illustrated almost made up for the lack of hockey coverage (usually represented by a two page spread of Michael Farber feverishly massaging Sidney Crosby's balls) and the waste of paper spent churning out 51 editions of filler before the swimsuit edition. However, your switch to ESPN has either made you bitter, or lazy, or both. I've come to accept that Canada is always going to take some crap for not being you, but there's clever jokes that make me laugh, and worn-out ignorance that doesn't. That these two "articles" pass for humor from a respectable guy like yourself and a reputable organization like ESPN make me ashamed to be a dual citizen.
Sincerely, from the best fucking country in the world,
The Half Court Press
PS. If you want more Rick Reilly coverage, head over to Deadspin or the Kurtenblog. Good stuff.
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1 comment:
The three things you can't fake are erections, competence and creativity. Too bad Rick Reilly's turned into an uncreative prick lately.
I honestly don't mind the stereotyping of Canadians in the article. Even though I disagree with stereotyping in general, I take some furtive pride in coming from a country where people are considered humble, nice and all that Canadian jazz. The problem with Reilly is that he creates these stereotypes out of thin air. A stereotype is only a stereotype if it's held by more than one person and I'd never ever heard of an "Armsee" or "The Van" until I read Rick's column.
Really, inventing these new so-called "stereotypes" was the only time he showed any sign of original thought. His pop culture references were weak, tired and far too obvious.
The writing is the worst part of the whole thing. I had to force myself to read the entire text of both articles because the writing wasn't engaging enough for me to want to do so on its own merits. If I hadn't heard the uproar from my patriotic Canadian friends I never would have got past the first few paragraphs.
I guess Rick got the reaction and media exposure he was hoping for but I'm disappointed, I know he's capable of better so here's hoping we see some flashes of the old Rick Reilly before Chica... errrr.. Rio de Janeiro.
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