Prediction Season: East Edition!!

As for the East, in extremely played out, lame cliques/puns:

15. New York Islanders - Deserted Island. They're building a few good pieces, but there are so very many holes. This team needs another few years. Tavares prediction: 26 goals, 23 assists.

14. Florida Panthers - Cat-astrophe. Honestly, I didn't think Florida was a bottom 2 team in the East, but I had trouble finding teams to put them ahead of, and it just kind of happened. Like the Isles, they have a gem in Booth, but losing Bouwmeester and replacing him with Brodeur's water boy proves this team isn't committed to winning. Their temporary GM is still temporary three months later. That speaks loudly to the trouble this franchise is in.

13. Ottawa Senators - Sens-ationally disappointing. In my earlier predictions, I told you how I, well, disagreed with some of the moves Bryan Murray has made. The fact that Chris Kelly is making 2.125 million over the next 3 years alone should be enough to get canned. Getting fleeced on the Heatley deal hardly changes my mind. For a team whose moves aren't influenced by cheap owners or poor fan support, Murray remains the worst GM in hockey today.

12. Tampa Bay Lightning - Can Lighting Strike Twice? They bolstered their defense by adding eight or nine defensemen. Loading up on free agents worked so well last year, why not give Ohlund 7 years? The team, however, has some young talent and will be competitive in another year or two.

11. Atlanta Thrashers - Surprise Thrashing. Seriously, how do sports reporters in Atlanta do it? There are literally no clever puns with Atlanta's name, except to use it as an adjective. Oh right, they don't report on the Thrashers. In all seriousness, I wanted to put this team higher, but it got edged by a few other bubble teams. If rookie goaltender Pavelec, who's drawing a lot of buzz out of camp, can shine, this team might slip into the 8th spot. The Thrashers are deeper on defense and will make a push at the deadline to show Kovalchuk that this team is headed in the right direction. They'll be close this year, and they'll get a deal done.

10. Toronto Maple Leafs - The Leafs are Blowing. No, the Leafs are no longer the laughingstock of the league (laugh at Komisarek. He dares you.), but they'll still be out of the hunt again this year. The Leafs will be tougher to play against than last year, but not necessarily a whole lot better. Kessel doesn't have a legitimate set-up man, and unfortunately for Burke, hockey games are determined by goals, not Gordie Howe hat tricks.

9. Buffalo Sabres - Buffal-oh so close. Poor Buffalo. Their team used to have such promise and now they're treading water. They keep their core but refuse to add the missing pieces that allow them to take that next step. They've finished 10th twice in a row, and they'll be right on the bubble again this year.

8. Montreal Canadiens - The Habs-nots. I haven't met one person here in Montreal yet that's happy with the Canadiens' moves this offseason, and I don't blame them. Rebuilding though free agency doesn't work. Just ask the Rangers. However, they have enough young pieces (and will get a bounce-back year from Price) to make it to late April.

7. NY Rangers - New York Minute. This is Gaborik's projected time in a Rangers uniform before he blows out his groin/knee/vagina. If he doesn't, however, the Rangers will have a stud on their hands. Lundqvist will need to stand tall to get them into the playoffs, while Redden needs to remember how to play professional hockey, perhaps sometime in the next 5 years that are left on his contract.

6. New Jersey Devils - Boring as Hell. The Devils had some promise for excitement with Parise and other young talent, but the addition of Lemaire assures them a playoff berth and a lot of empty seats.

5. Eye of the Staal-m. A bit of a stretch here. Think Boston accent. But the Hurricanes are as good as the face of their franchise takes them. The team has talent and experience, but is it enough to seriously compete, especially with the loss of two puck-moving blueliners in Seidenburg and Babchuk? Staal-my seas ahead, indeed.

4. High Flyers with a Re-Emery-gence. Two for the price of one! Someone's on a roll. Philly is many analysts pick for the Cup, but like Chicago, the issue is in net. They'll be a very good team without 2007 Emery, and a serious Cup contender with him. Either way, they'll finish close to the top of the conference.

3. March of the Penguins. A classic, used at least 15 times by ESPN during their playoff run. They're probably the best team in their conference, if not in the league, but they'll be in tough against Philly and the rest of (most of) their competitive division this year. Also, the Stanley Cup hangover is a real phenomenon. Although, as the Leafs continue to prove, so is the April golf tournament hangover.

2. Washington Capitals - Net Capital Growth. Varlamov so far has been streaky at best (and Theodore is, well, Theodore), and the D may still be too thin for a Cup run but Ovechkin, Backstrom, Green, Semin (79 points in 62 games last year...look out) and the rest will keep this team at the top of the conference.

1. Is something Bruin? They'll be at the top of the Conference thanks to a weak divison and solid team. But Kessel is out and Savard still needs a deal for next year. How far can Thomas flop his way towards a Cup with that kind of offense?

Western Final: Detroit vs. Vancouver. Dark horse: the latest hot pick of analysts everywhere, the Blackhawks could make it if their goaltending holds up.

Eastern Final: Washington vs. Pittsburgh. Somewhere (probably somewhere in Phoenix), Gary Bettman just had a wet dream. If the stars and matchups align, these two teams should be playing each other for the Prince of Wales Trophy. Dark horse: the Flyers. Even with Emery, never count out a team with that much toughness and skill.

The Cup Finals: Vancouver vs. Pittsburgh. The Canucks have the defensive depth, the star goaltending, and a pool of gritty forwards. Their problem? Scoring depth. The Pens have superstars up front, a solid defensive corps, and a goalie who could (should) make the Canadian Olympic team. They also have been there before. Maybe when Hodgson (pronounced Hod-son apparently) or Shirokov develop, the Canucks can make the leap, but for now, the cup remains in Pittsburgh.

Cup Winners: the Pens. Again. Crosby better shake hands this time. Rypien is a lot tougher to fight than, say, Brett McLean. Award winners will come tomorrow or Friday.